"Roll thy cares, and thyself with them, as one burden all on thy God."  --R. Leighton

"Whatever the care which breaks thy rest,

Whatever the wish that swells thy breast,

Spread before God that wish that care,

And change anxiety to prayer."  --Anon.

The care that breaks my rest?  The anxiety that storms my nights?  It was one of the words that broke the surface of my first meeting with my Counselor:  my own body.  My own body has become a stranger to me.  What was never a good relationship has now become a torrent of anger between my body and my soul.  Oh, I know that God desires us to be presented blameless before Him: body, soul, and spirit.  But my soul cannot abide this body.  I see it now.  Try as I might to wish it otherwise, there is no denying the war within.

But it cannot continue.  

 

She asked me if I could at least declare a truce. My body and me.

I know the answer that Jesus would desire for me to find.  After all, He has been speaking the same thing in His own words, as He climbs right into my soul.  "Come in with me.  I am already here within you. In this pain, I am here. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit: the place I choose to dwell."  

But I am angry that this body has fallen in weakness.  I take my rests, but purely out of obedience: grudgingly.  And the rest has become less than it should be.  Instead of desiring what is good for my body, I have desired for my body to give me what is good for ME.  It is only another form of selfishness.  Forgive me Jesus.  Only YOU speak what is GOOD for this child.  Only YOU speak what is good for this body of mine.  

I need help to count this restoring time as GOOD.  Not to kick against the pricks. It's what I do best these days: this kicking in my soul.  But my Savior, who comes to rescue the brokenhearted, knows that surrender comes in stages sometimes.  HE knows the help that I require.  HE leads the way for this child to find HIS good, even in the painful places.

 

And so I begin. This Truce.  My body and me.  Jesus, present me blameless before God, body, soul, and spirit.  I lay down my arms, and surrender, because I don't want to fight anymore.

And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. — 1 Peter 5:10