I am a rag doll washed up on the shore of a distant island
"Could it be that you have been brought here, to this place, as a kind of retreat?" It's the latest question my Counselor asked of me.
But this retreat has a shameful feeling to me somehow.
In the past, I have been the giving one. I have been the listening one, and I have been the caring one. Only now, as my joints repair themselves from the trauma of this past year and a half of the Rheumatoid Arthritis Storm, my emotions are still being tossed in the pain and fatigue of this FibroState. There is no stamina for the old ways of coping with that pain, let alone stamina to listen and to give and to show my caring. The old me is covered in shame at that thought.
And yet the waves wash over me as I slump and flump, rag-dolling my way onto the island.
Washed clean of the old
Quieted by the stillness of the slowing waters.
So I hear my soul responding:
If it's Jesus bringing me to this Retreat
Then there is nowhere else I would rather be.
I have been reading the book by the author whose website I've linked-up with this past month, Bonnie Gray, TheFaithBarista. Her book "Finding Spiritual Whitespace", is steeped in a Soul-Resting-Journey for those who feel faint-of-heart. But ironically, the traveling she offers is anything BUT faint-of-heart, requiring a new kind of strength: being carried in the arms of Jesus to the island of HIS retreating, where He brings HIS REST.
Hi Bettie,
ReplyDeleteI just love your resilient spirit and how you face each day with hope! I just love Bonnie's book, too, and love how she gets us thinking to feed our souls. Your words that if Jesus is bringing you to this place of retreat, then there's nowhere else you want to be, are so full of surrender, trusting that God has good things for you, and he is faithful!
Thank you for your encouragement today, Valerie! Sometimes I feel my own pride weighing so heavy that it's hard to recognize the place of surrender that Jesus is bringing to me. And your words remind of that very truth: HIS Hope comes along with the surrender! Blessings and Hugs to you!
DeleteHow true it is that if Jesus brings us to a retreat, even if it's one we feel so emotionally fragile in, there is no better place to be. Remember what you commented at my blog, Bettie? “His hands are so sturdy underneath us, holding us up!” There's such hope in that! Praying He will keep holding you up! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThank you Trudy, for such encouragement today! Yes, I am so thankful for the HOPE that Jesus is bringing to me in ways that I've not expected. And this community of blogging is one of those ways! I set out to share and be transparent in obedience to God's promptings, but I feel like I have been the one who has been blessed. May the Lord shower you with HOPE as well!! Hugs to you too!
DeleteI so identify with that, Jordan, to "set out to share and be transparent in obedience to God's promptings" and you end up feeling like the one getting blessed. This community of blogging has been a means to me, too, of Jesus bringing me HOPE I never expected. I don't remember when I first "met" you, but I'm so thankful I did. :)
DeleteOops, where in the world did I get Jordan from? I guess because I just commented at a Jordan's site. I'm so sorry. I mean Bettie. Truly I was thinking of YOU! :)
Delete:) I am so glad that we met also!
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