Day 24: Listen for Instructions

Have you ever felt that nothing you are doing

is making any difference?

Perhaps you have felt that you are doing everything

you know to do,

and yet the results have turned out

far below your expectations?  

Or, what if you are in the place 

where nothing makes sense

and there seems to be nowhere

to turn for any answer?

You are not alone, because I would have had to choose

"All of the Above"

if this were a multiple choice quiz,

about how to live with a 

Chronic Illness.

 I remember the days when my husband was in college,

and we had an 11 month old son

to care for.

God had just given us an incredible miracle

by opening up a low-rent apartment

where there had previously been

no vacancy in sight.

And I was grateful, truly I was.

But how could we pay even that small rent

when my husband could find no job

that would accommodate his school schedule?

And, with every ounce of my being, 

I wanted to stay home to care for our son.

He wasn't even weaned yet.

But I knew the answer that God was trying to give

to me.

Surrender

It's not a pretty word when we are fighting

against it.

Not when we think that we know what is best.

I wrestled with God over this question,

and fought with Him about

leaving my son with a caregiver

that was not me or my husband.

But He didn't change His direction,

just to meet my wish.

In fact, His instruction to me grew more clear

with every passing day.

And, I finally gave up the fight, and took the jobs 

that were offered to me.

I tried to hide my tears as I answered the phones,

typed out the letters,

and managed the files,

for companies that had no idea of my inner struggle.

The years passed, and my husband finally 

earned his degree,

and took up a position as Children's Pastor,

while I returned home to care for our

son, now 3 years old.

We played, and we worked together,

and we took long hikes in the woods,

chasing spiders and leaves,

and little-boy-wonders.

And my heart tucked away the years that I felt

had been eaten by the locust while

I had earned the income

for our family.

Until the day that I gave birth to our precious second son.

As I counted the months that had transpired

between my leaving the workplace,

until the day of that birth,

I realized that they were the exact amount of time

that I had been at work, away from

our first son.

God had indeed given back the time,

of my obedience to Him

without my realizing it.

 Isaiah 48:18-19 (MSG) 'And now, the Master, God, sends me and his Spirit with this Message from God, your Redeemer, The Holy of Israel: “I am God, your God, who teaches you how to live right and well. I show you what to do, where to go. If you had listened all along to what I told you, your life would have flowed full like a river, blessings rolling in like waves from the sea.'

Sometimes I think we feel that obedience to God

means perfection in this life,

and in so doing, we miss the blessing

that God is trying to show us,

that would flow full like the river.

But what if we truly listened to His voice,

and surrendered our choices,

to hear His instruction,

unfettered by our own demands?

Perhaps, we would see that the choices

set before us

are in the hands of the ONE

who truly has our best in mind,

the only ONE who knows what is right

for me and for you,

here today in this path of His choosing.

This is Day 24 in the #Write31Days Challenge.

I am so honored to walk this path with you

here in #31Days of Listening with Chronic Illness.

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