Prodigal Mom

Have you heard the call of the Heavenly Father as He asks you to join Him in prayer for the young ones?  Maybe you are a Mom of a Prodigal yourself? 



I have walked that road, and I know the varying levels of pain and love that are felt inside of a Mother’s heart.  When my oldest child became a teenager, I resisted the efforts of those in our church who wanted to label him as a “perfect example” to all of the younger ones there.  I knew how the pressures of those labels create a false pedestal that we humans simply cannot attain to.  I prayed and tried to warn against those labels.  I even asked those in our church to pray for my son as he was entering his older teen years, to pray that He would be strengthened only in God.  Some of the women there told me to stop worrying, that he was a great kid, and he would do just fine. 

Moms, please don’t ignore those promptings in your spirit when God calls you to pray.

God was preparing me for the many hard days and years ahead for both of my sons.  He was calling me to a season of deep prayer and intercession.  Thankfully, He sent a few close friends who were also walking with prodigals of their own.  He knew that we could not walk the path alone, and so HE brought us together to share the load of praying, even when the church had seemed to fail us. 

“Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus,  by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God,  let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.  Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:19-23 

I am blessed today to be part of the team at my friend Anna Smit's site, Beloved Prodigal.  Please come join me there to read more of my story by clicking here.

 I am linking today with:  

Debbie Kitterman, #TuneInThursday 
Barbie Swihart, #Glimpses 

Life, Life, and More Life

I must admit this has been a hard week for me with Jayber Crow. It's week 8 for the online study happening with Michele Morin, over at her site, Living Our Days. I so appreciate her hosting this group with lively discussion!  But what do I do with a character who charms me with his small-town stories and beautiful descriptions of nature, and yet at the same time saddens me with his variable moral compass? 


I think he must remind me of myself and those I love.
Why do we have such a hard time fully embracing the ONE who loves us so much?
Why do we so easily take up our own opinions as the best way to walk?

  


In this week's chapters, Jayber took a deep look at himself, and found the scales wanting.  And from the depth of that conviction, a truer love than he could have imagined, for a woman forever inaccessible, was committed to inside of his heart.  And while that love could never be acted upon, it yet stirred in him a vision of the ONE true love from which all others in this world have been created:

 

 "But love, sooner or later, forces us out of time. It does not accept that limit. Of all that we feel and do, all the virtues and all the sins, love alone crowds us at last over the edge of the world. For love is always more than a little strange here. It is not explainable or even justifiable. It is itself the justifier. We do not make it. If it did not happen to us, we could not imagine it. It includes the world and time as a pregnant woman includes her child whose wrongs she will suffer and forgive. It is in the world but is not altogether of it. It is of eternity."

Berry, Wendell. Jayber Crow: A Novel (Port William) (p. 249). Counterpoint. Kindle Edition. 


As he pondered that love, Jayber finally admitted to the love of a Creator who was beyond all of his own questions.  As he allowed that love in his heart to lead him, he saw God as not only the Creator, but also as a Father:


And I could imagine a Father who is yet like a mother hen spreading her wings before the storm or in the dusk before the dark night for the little ones of Port William to come in under, some of whom do, and some do not.

Berry, Wendell. Jayber Crow: A Novel (Port William) (p. 252). Counterpoint. Kindle Edition. 


And the great questions of Free-Will, held onto for years from his own younger days, were finally laid to rest in his heart:

 "Just as a good man would not coerce the love of his wife, God does not coerce the love of His human creatures, not for Himself or for the world or for one another. To allow that love to exist fully and freely, He must allow it not to exist at all. His love is suffering. It is our freedom and His sorrow. To love the world as much even as I could love it would be suffering also, for I would fail. And yet all the good I know is in this, that a man might so love this world that it would break his heart."

Berry, Wendell. Jayber Crow: A Novel (Port William) (p. 254). Counterpoint. Kindle Edition.


But here is where my own heart fell onto a different path from Jayber.  While he was content to live with that love resting in his heart, holding onto it as his own private treasure, something entirely different is stirred within me when that ONE true love is recognized.  

What can I do with that sorrowing and suffering 
when I feel my Savior's Love in me?

How can I watch those I love struggle in their own questions
and not reach out to them somehow?


For I know that what my Father offers 
through the suffering of His son
was for my benefit
was for their benefit
was for your benefit 

 "He was despised and rejected by mankind,
    a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
    he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

Surely he took up our pain
    and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
    stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;"

Isaiah 53:3-5 


And my own heart was broken open this week
with convictions.
If I say that I am blessed to have tasted
this love of my beautiful Lord

 how then can my selfish heart
hoard it inside 
as a treasure only for myself?

And it was here that my Father, Creator of that Love,
stirred in my heart to look around me
to feel the pain of those next to me
to hear the silent cries
of those alone in their pain.

The Father has sent his Son,
to search for EVERY lost one,
calling out to EACH lonely child,
offering a way to come home.


"Still, it’s what God had in mind all along,
    to crush him with pain.
The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin
    so that he’d see life come from it—life, life, and more life.
    And God’s plan will deeply prosper through him."
Isaiah 53:10 MSG 


Life, life, and more life
is what Jesus has come
to give us.

 How can I not also seek after those lost ones
offering the same life
calling to the same home
showing the same love
that He has given to me?


Would you join me in prayer this week?

"Dear Father,
I confess that my heart has not always been stirred to give. I admit that there have been times when I have been content to hoard away Your love, as a treasure all my own. Please forgive me for those moments when I've closed my eyes to those around me. Will You open my heart to see the beauty of those hearts around me? Will You open my heart to share Your love with those hurting and lonely souls? And will You give me Your JOY that loves to seek, loves to call out, and loves to bring life where only death has reigned? Will You change my eyes to look through Your eyes of love?
In the Name of Your Son, Jesus, I pray, Amen."  



I would love to hear your comments and prayer requests below. We are meant to share the load together! 

I am linking this week with:

Debbie Kitterman, #TuneInThursday  
Barbie Swihart, #Glimpses 
Meg Weyerbacher, #TeaAndWordTuesday 

You can find a copy of Jayber Crow, by Wendell Berry, by clicking here. 

Who is Sufficient?

225,000 square feet.  It seemed like an impossibly large building for only 2 people to care for.  But that is just what was asked of us, barely married for 3 months, while my husband attended college. The caretaker/janitor's position opened up at the new church we had begun attending, and with youthful enthusiasm we jumped right in.  We cleaned and monitored, attended events and washed up afterwards, and became intimately familiar with the church that had a caretaker's apartment built into the upper level for us to live in.  Sufficient for the task? Not at all, but we found ways to push our limits in order to keep going.

This week over at Michele Morin's site, 
Living our Days, 
 where we are in Week 6 of our study of 

Jayber Crow, by Wendell Berry,

our friend, Jayber, finds himself taking on the church janitor's work also.  

So it should have come as no surprise when I found one of my favorite scenes unfolding in this week's reading.  Jayber often came to do his cleaning at the church in the evening after he had worked all day at the Barber Shop. Needless to say, the quiet and calming presence of the church was an easy place to rest and even take a nap. (I remember those same peaceful feelings when the sanctuary was empty, and while cleaning, we played our own music through the church's high tech--for then--speakers!)

It was during one of those rest times that a dream overtook him:

 "One day when I went up there to work, sleepiness overcame me and I lay down on the floor behind the back pew to take a nap. Waking or sleeping (I couldn’t tell which), I saw all the people gathered there who had ever been there. I saw them as I had seen them from the back pew, where I sat with Uncle Othy (who would not come in any farther) while Aunt Cordie sang in the choir, and I saw them as I had seen them (from the back pew) on the Sunday before. I saw them in all the times past and to come, all somehow there in their own time and in all time and in no time . . . They said nothing, and I said nothing. I seemed to love them all with a love that was mine merely because it included me. When I came to myself again, my face was wet with tears."

Berry, Wendell. Jayber Crow: A Novel (Port William) (p. 165). Counterpoint. Kindle Edition. 

The longing that I felt for Jayber to know more about the TRUE Love that had touched him, only grew as I read through the next few chapters.  Sadly, Jayber moved from his own touch with the Wonder of Love to look for love in all the wrong places.  I still have hope that in upcoming chapters he might find where that longing will be fully met.

But my own longings are hanging in the wind,

crying out for GRACE 

when I have none of my own.

In the same way that Jayber failed to see that the One who is all love was right beside him, giving him that dream of love for His people, I too have ignored the call of that ONE.

When I have sought my own sufficiency,

When I have leaned on my own strength,

When I have looked for my own help,

my own Sweet Lord has never stopped calling me.

While chronic illness calls me to 

muster up my own strength,

My Jesus calls me to 

find a sufficiency

deeper than my own

and a love 

that fills every longing.

There is Life from the Lord
that is bigger
than any work of my self,
a freedom
brought from His Spirit.


"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control"
Galatians 5:22,23 

 Who is Sufficient?

Years came and went

Strength surged

Depended upon.

My ways were laid 

bare

before

Him

Who sees everything.

Abilities brought out

Self-Sufficiency

A way of life.

My heart was crushed

bare

before 

Him

Who sees everything.

Illness has a way

Pointing out lack

Hidden underneath.

My body was broken

bare

before

Him

Who sees everything.

Mercy invites inside

Seeking to give

What I have not.

My soul was enlarged

bare

before

Him

Who sees everything.

Grace covers, fills

Christ-Sufficiency

Living in me.

My Life is overflowing

bare

before

Him

Who sees everything.

Immanuel,

God with me.

--bg

And a verse usually spoken at Christmas gives the invitation for each of us to find JESUS,  the son
given to be with us.


The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”).
Matthew 1:23 NIV 



May this song of encouragement bless you today. He is with us, and invites us into His Presence where His Sufficiency is everything we need.

You can find Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry by clicking here.


I am linking this week with:
Debbie Kitterman, #TuneInThursday 
Barbie Swihart, #Glimpses 
Meg Weyerbacher, #TeaAndWordTuesday 

A Mama's Cry

 

 The hospital room was sterile and cold, a shivering place for a young teenager. My Mom had undergone a simple biopsy, but the time for Outpatient Procedures had not yet arrived in our 1970’s small town. So my Mom was awakening from the anesthesia and due to arrive back to her room at any time.  I waited for what seemed an eternity, and as I huddled in the corner, I heard the nurses hurriedly wheeling the cart in, but shouting instructions to several helpers. “Wake her up! Get assistance! She’s not breathing!”  My heart started pounding as the tears rolled down my cheeks. . . 

. . .

I am so blessed once again to share words over at my friend Anna Smit's website, BelovedProdigal.

Join me there to read the rest of this post

by clicking here. 

I am linking today with other bloggers at:

Debbie Kitterman, #TuneInThursday 

Are Questions Allowed?

When questions swirl here

Float like hazy fog of morn

Will my heart trust love?

As I woke to a fog that covered everything in sight, I thought of the questions that faced me when this Rheumatoid Disease first struck.  And I thought of the questions raised this week when Jayber decided that Seminary was not for him, in 

Jayber Crow, by Wendell Berry.

This is week 2 of the study led by Michele Morin, over at her site: Living Our Days.  Michele has such a beautiful way of gleaning the lessons and stories from every book she shares. You are welcome to join us in the study at any point along the way!

When little Jayber was left an orphan for the second time, he found himself being raised at a very strict orphanage. Over the years of sitting through many Bible classes, when questions rose in his heart for his future, he fearfully chose the path that seemed most likely to please His Maker: he chose the path to be a Preacher and attend seminary.

When the inevitable happened:

How to deal with his unanswered questions?

How to face the seemingly harsh WILL of GOD?

How to lead people when he, himself, didn't know the way?

Jayber brought the questions to the most learned professor there, hoping to hear something solid from him. But what he heard only reinforced the questions:

"'You have been given questions to which you cannot be given answers. You will have to live them out—perhaps a little at a time.'

'And how long is that going to take?'

'I don’t know. As long as you live, perhaps.'

'That could be a long time.'

'I will tell you a further mystery,' he said. 'It may take longer.'"

Berry, Wendell. Jayber Crow: A Novel (Port William) (p. 54). Counterpoint. Kindle Edition. 

And I was taken back to so many times of questioning in my own life:

 

Why did we have to move cross-country, only to be pulled back home again?

Why did the small business we owned fail?

How could the bills mount so high when we had done everything that we thought was right?

Why did our children have to walk a road of suffering

when we, their parents, were the ones who needed to

learn the lessons?

How could God have allowed a church to break apart, and

relationships to be severed?

Why would years of healthy living suddenly

not make a difference when chronic illness struck?

I am sure you could add to the questions, if you were asked to participate. Sooner or later, we all will be faced with the "Great Unknowing." And our FAITH will be put to the test. Can we bring those questions to Jesus?  Will He answer them?

Jesus knew that even His own disciples had questions, and this is how He answered them:

"Jesus replied, 'You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.'”

John 13:7 NIV 

Comforting?

Or was it one more way to say,

"You just don't get it!"

. . . 

Jayber's Professor held the key, in the few short words of his answer to Jayber's questions: 

"You will have to live them out."

We were meant for relationship. 

And relationships test our character,

prove the character

of the one we know.

Is our LORD able to be called upon

when we question HIS character?

Even David felt alone in his questions,

when he cried out to God:

"In my alarm I said, 'I am cut off from your sight!' Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help."

Psalm 31:22 NIV 

He was there with David,

And He is here with us.

When the questions arise

When the doubts swirl

When the truth is put to the test

Is there ONE who will stand?

Can we look beyond the trials

And speak with Job,

even as he recounted the depth

of the darkness he faced:

 
"I know that my redeemer lives,
    and that in the end he will stand on the earth."

Job 19:25 NIV 

Only as my heart 

begins to trust

Only as my love

is poured on HIM

Will my doubts 

be washed away

And filled with 

all HIS light

and truth.

May I pray with you today, my friend?

Dear Lord,

I ask for Your Spirit to be quickened in the hearts

of everyone who reads these words today.

May we all feel a freedom to offer

our questions to you.

May we know in our hearts

a surging of peace,

as You bring Yourself to us.

May we find the answers we seek

fully met in the LOVE of ONE

who holds the universe

and moves the stars,

the ONE 

who gave it all

for 

us.

Amen.

Next week, I will be sharing more about my friend's newest book:

 The Invitations, by Ifeoma Samuel 

 It's available for pre-order now!

I count it a great honor to have worked with Ifeoma in a small way to help in the editing process. You can find her blogging at Purposeful and Meaningful. Join me next Tuesday for a review of these words that God placed on her heart!

I am linking this week with:

Suzi Eller, #LiveFreeThursday
Debbie Kitterman, #TuneInThursday 

 

Revival

"And then an old woman I knew as Aunt Cordie gathered me up without asking and sat down in the rocking chair and held me and let me cry. She had on a coarse black sweater over a black dress that reached to her shoetops and a black hat with little white and blue flowers on it there in the dead of winter. I can remember how she seemed to be trying to enclose me entirely in her arms. 'God love his heart!' she said. 'Othy, we’re going to take him home.'"

Thus begins a new chapter in the life of little Jonah Crow, or Jayber as we will later know him.  Today is the start of the fall book study with my friend Michele Morin! Join me for lively discussion over at her site: MicheleMorin.wordpress.com, 

 where we are reading Wendell Berry's book, Jayber Crow. The rich character descriptions in this fictional memoir-type story drew me in from page one.  But even as the small town setting reminded me of my own little village in Wisconsin, it was the memory of how someone stepped in to hold a little grieving boy that touched my heart so deeply this week. Little Jayber had suddenly lost both of his parents, and when he wasn't even sure how to process his grieving, along came an older aunt who stepped in and swooped him up.  


Aren't we all needing to be picked up and gathered close during the hard times of our lives?

On days when the foundation beneath my own feet feels like a swinging bridge, I find myself grasping for good words--hopeful words that speak a lifeline to a stronger way of living. This past weekend I joined in for a simple journaling and crafting time on Instagram at #septgluebookparty17 (thank you for your inspiration Gayl Wright.) It's a way to make a collage, by following a simple prompt to look for pictures and words from magazines or artwork that can fit together to express the thought.  When the first prompt was "favorite fall colors," I happily picked colors and images and words that leaped off the page for me.  When I was finished with my own page, though, I was surprised at the message before me:

Revival?

Could this be a word

of hope

pointing to a

renewed

strength

coming to my life?

Eagerly I began the new week, and wearily I collapsed

yet again.  When I read the words of little

Jayber Crow, I heard my own 

Life-Giver

calling me to climb into His lap.

He was indeed speaking 

REVIVAL

but not in the way 

I had first envisioned.

My weary frame revolted

And squirmed at the thought of

Required rest again

Why now? I cried when

I thought Revival was the word.

                                       

Revive these legs! I envisioned

Strength required when I looked

Ahead to fuller days

Why not? I cried when

I thought Revival was the word.

 

Revive these arms! I hungered

Work to be restored as

Plans could be fulfilled

Why not? I cried when

I thought Revival was the word.

 

Revive this frame! I sought

Fresh energy covering for

Tasks laid long aside

Why not? I cried when

I thought Revival was the word.

 

Revive this heart! He gave

New Love for God alone in

Father’s heart to mine

Why here? I cried when

He spoke Revival over me.

 

Yes here, Yes now,

Taste and See

Rest in this Love

Let ME hold you

And speak Revival over you.

--bg

 "His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse,
    nor his delight in the legs of the warrior;

the Lord delights in those who fear him,
    who put their hope in his unfailing love.

Psalm 147:10-11 NIV 

Revival? Oh, yes, He is reviving my heart. 

He delights to bring new hope

of His unfailing love.

If you are interested in finding a copy of the book, and reading along for the discussion, you can find a copy of the book here:

Jayber Crow, by Wendell Berry  

I am linking this week with these great bloggers:

Suzie Eller, #LiveFreeThursday 

Debbie Kitterman, #TuneInThursday 
Barbie Swihart, #Glimpses 
Meg Weyerbacher, #TeaAndWordTuesday