Are Questions Allowed?

When questions swirl here

Float like hazy fog of morn

Will my heart trust love?

As I woke to a fog that covered everything in sight, I thought of the questions that faced me when this Rheumatoid Disease first struck.  And I thought of the questions raised this week when Jayber decided that Seminary was not for him, in 

Jayber Crow, by Wendell Berry.

This is week 2 of the study led by Michele Morin, over at her site: Living Our Days.  Michele has such a beautiful way of gleaning the lessons and stories from every book she shares. You are welcome to join us in the study at any point along the way!

When little Jayber was left an orphan for the second time, he found himself being raised at a very strict orphanage. Over the years of sitting through many Bible classes, when questions rose in his heart for his future, he fearfully chose the path that seemed most likely to please His Maker: he chose the path to be a Preacher and attend seminary.

When the inevitable happened:

How to deal with his unanswered questions?

How to face the seemingly harsh WILL of GOD?

How to lead people when he, himself, didn't know the way?

Jayber brought the questions to the most learned professor there, hoping to hear something solid from him. But what he heard only reinforced the questions:

"'You have been given questions to which you cannot be given answers. You will have to live them out—perhaps a little at a time.'

'And how long is that going to take?'

'I don’t know. As long as you live, perhaps.'

'That could be a long time.'

'I will tell you a further mystery,' he said. 'It may take longer.'"

Berry, Wendell. Jayber Crow: A Novel (Port William) (p. 54). Counterpoint. Kindle Edition. 

And I was taken back to so many times of questioning in my own life:

 

Why did we have to move cross-country, only to be pulled back home again?

Why did the small business we owned fail?

How could the bills mount so high when we had done everything that we thought was right?

Why did our children have to walk a road of suffering

when we, their parents, were the ones who needed to

learn the lessons?

How could God have allowed a church to break apart, and

relationships to be severed?

Why would years of healthy living suddenly

not make a difference when chronic illness struck?

I am sure you could add to the questions, if you were asked to participate. Sooner or later, we all will be faced with the "Great Unknowing." And our FAITH will be put to the test. Can we bring those questions to Jesus?  Will He answer them?

Jesus knew that even His own disciples had questions, and this is how He answered them:

"Jesus replied, 'You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.'”

John 13:7 NIV 

Comforting?

Or was it one more way to say,

"You just don't get it!"

. . . 

Jayber's Professor held the key, in the few short words of his answer to Jayber's questions: 

"You will have to live them out."

We were meant for relationship. 

And relationships test our character,

prove the character

of the one we know.

Is our LORD able to be called upon

when we question HIS character?

Even David felt alone in his questions,

when he cried out to God:

"In my alarm I said, 'I am cut off from your sight!' Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help."

Psalm 31:22 NIV 

He was there with David,

And He is here with us.

When the questions arise

When the doubts swirl

When the truth is put to the test

Is there ONE who will stand?

Can we look beyond the trials

And speak with Job,

even as he recounted the depth

of the darkness he faced:

 
"I know that my redeemer lives,
    and that in the end he will stand on the earth."

Job 19:25 NIV 

Only as my heart 

begins to trust

Only as my love

is poured on HIM

Will my doubts 

be washed away

And filled with 

all HIS light

and truth.

May I pray with you today, my friend?

Dear Lord,

I ask for Your Spirit to be quickened in the hearts

of everyone who reads these words today.

May we all feel a freedom to offer

our questions to you.

May we know in our hearts

a surging of peace,

as You bring Yourself to us.

May we find the answers we seek

fully met in the LOVE of ONE

who holds the universe

and moves the stars,

the ONE 

who gave it all

for 

us.

Amen.

Next week, I will be sharing more about my friend's newest book:

 The Invitations, by Ifeoma Samuel 

 It's available for pre-order now!

I count it a great honor to have worked with Ifeoma in a small way to help in the editing process. You can find her blogging at Purposeful and Meaningful. Join me next Tuesday for a review of these words that God placed on her heart!

I am linking this week with:

Suzi Eller, #LiveFreeThursday
Debbie Kitterman, #TuneInThursday 

 

Day 7: Listen for Answers to the Doubt

Once again, I had a vision shaped in my mind for what this next post might be about.  You see, I had chosen this verse, and worked on its accompanying graphic early on in this #Write31Days Challenge. And I had let my mind drift . . .
 

Maybe this verse means that you will answer me with an incredible healing, God?  Maybe I won't have to deal with these multiple chronic illnesses any longer. . . 

Oh, but God, our Savior, has so much more in mind when HE is shaping the Vision for us.

I have been blessed reading so many different words of bloggers who are joining in this challenge to #Write31Days: many different topics, and many different ways to bring encouragement with their words. But it seemed to me that yesterday's theme in several posts ran a little too parallel to just be a coincidence. 

God is at work behind the scenes where we cannot see,

God is in the dark times with us,

God is the potter, and He shapes us beyond what we can see,

and then this last post over at "LisaNotes" on Doubt,

visit her blog here

struck something very deep in my heart.

Almost 20 years ago, as I mentioned in some of my earlier postings, my family traveled to churches with Biblical Dramas that we portrayed. And one of the main characters was the Apostle Thomas: Doubting Thomas.

My husband portrayed Thomas, and I was the "voice in the dark" closing out the drama with a series of personal questions:

"So, what is YOUR point of doubting?" I would speak softly to those who had been part of the audience.

Except that, last night, as I read Lisa's blog, I heard Jesus asking me that same question.  

And I knew that He was putting His finger on my own personal doubting in this place of illness.

As I have listened and shared with so many others who are also on this Chronic Illness path, there is one question that seems to come up over and over again:

"What am I doing wrong?"

or, one with a similar punch,

"What test did I fail that brought me here?"

It is so easy to fall into the doubting track. After all, this path of illness is not where we would choose to be, if left to our own devices. The enemy of our soul takes delight in choking our faith with doubts about the goodness of God. 

Maybe God doesn't WANT to see me well.

Maybe God is punishing me for the things I brought upon myself.

Maybe God is telling me I just have to try HARDER and pray more VEHEMENTLY and shout more LOUDLY!

But I don't see Jesus meeting Thomas with those kinds of thoughts. No, He gently came, and met Thomas in the very place of His doubting.  

 

"See, my hands, and place your hand in the hole in my side," he spoke to Thomas.

It's no use trying to hide our doubt away, Jesus sees the depth of what our soul is feeling. He spoke the very words that Thomas had sputtered to his friends, to show us that He is already dwelling there, in the deep of our heart, where we are holding onto the doubts. And HE wants to come near to us.

 Listen to the rest of the passage from that graphic above:

Psalm 65:4-5 (NIV) 4 Blessed are those you choose and bring near to live in your courts! We are filled with the good things of your house, of your holy temple. 5 You answer us with awesome and righteous deeds, God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas, 

Jesus is at the center of our being, bringing us near to HIS heart and HIS dwelling courts. He wants to meet us, where our feet feel singed from the fires all around, and show us that HE IS OUR ONLY HOPE.

Those awesome and righteous deeds that He answers us with? 

HE IS ALREADY FILLING US WITH THEM, GIVING US GLIMPSES OF HIS HOLY TEMPLE, IF WE WILL ONLY OPEN OUR EYES AND LET HIM SHOW US . . .

right here, 

in the very places where we may be doubting Him today. 

God may still have that miracle of an incredible healing in mind for me.

Perhaps He will choose to have me perservere through the night for a little longer.

Either way, my HOPE rests secure in HIM, because He is answering me with Awesome and righteous deeds, right here, as He brings me into HIS dwelling place.

Are you on a journey filled with doubt? Know that you are not alone, and there is no shame in bringing your questions to Him. Let Him answer you and bring you close to His Courts today.

This is Day 7 in the #Write31Days Challenge for my 

#31Days of Listening with Chronic Illness.

I am so blessed that you are journeying with me!

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