I had my plans, and set out the Scriptures, but the Doctor called,
and my peace was shattered. I knew this Writing Challenge would be an ADVENTURE, and I knew that God had something He wanted to say to me in this process.
But I, of course, had my journey plotted out with my sugarplum fairy ways of thinking.
Maybe you fall prey to that Dance as well?
But Life has a way of interrupting us, doesn't it?
. . . .
As my Rheumatoid Arthritis began to finally respond to the 8th medication, and over a year of different treatments, another diagnosis was added in. The joint swelling had lessened, but the pain had begun moving around, finding new places to flow in and out. Fibromyalgia, the Rheumatologist pronounced, and this time there was no battle left in me to fight the war that raged inside.
So I charted words with a wonderful counselor, and she beckoned me to slow down and listen to my body. To at least declare a truce with it, when the anger surged too high to want to be kind to what felt like a wretched betrayal.
But a few months later when the Rheumatologist added in yet another label, Osteoporosis also, I felt that something must yet be crying out for my attention that I was missing.
My Mom had battled with so many illnesses, and osteoporosis damaged her body to carry a hump on her shoulders that was dreary and dark. I heard my heart crying out, NO! NOT THAT! and I parleyed words like "Grace" and "Forgiveness" and "Fulfillment" as I pictured her whole and free in Heaven.
Oh, but God was not about to let up on this Lesson-to-Listen quite yet. For you see, just this week I have had another possibility to face. There is a swelling in my neck, and even though my bloodwork all returned within normal ranges, the Doctor still ordered an ultrasound. And on the day before this #31Days of listening with Chronic Illness Adventure began, I heard the word "biopsy" and "suspicious thyroid nodules" being directed my way by yet another Doctor's office.
Oh, yes, Lord, You have me listening this time. I remember the days of my own Mother's surgery to have half her thyroid removed. How could I forget that, Lord? One more thing that set the stone in place in my own heart to pick up the word DESPISE.
In my journey to find that Grace and Compassion for my own Mother, who dealt with so many illnesses throughout her life, I had let the oil of God's Love begin to soften my heart. And as the oil fell on my weary soul, I saw the label of despising that marred my own perceptions.
How could I let Jesus bring me His peace, when I was despising my body that had fallen prey to weakness and disease? No wonder I lay weeping in my bed, as I heard my Lord's sweet whisper:
"Let me come inside your heart, deep, where the pain resides. I am already dwelling here, and I am not offended.
I am here to bring you peace."
Is there a marred perception that is hindering your Listening?
Today is Day 3 in our journey of #31Days of Listening with Chronic Illness for the #Write31Days Challenge. Come along with me as we continue to learn more about Listening with a whole heart.