The River is Rising

Have you ever read a sentence in a book that makes you stop dead in your tracks?  As I was reading Jayber Crow, by Wendell Berry, for the online study over at Michele Morin's site, Living Our Days, I read these closing words of chapter 7, and felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up:

I headed westward, for Louisville. I knew that along the rivers the waters were rising.

Berry, Wendell. Jayber Crow: A Novel (Port William) (p. 74). Counterpoint. Kindle Edition. 

Somehow I felt that every word following would point back to this sentence, not just in the physical realm, not just in the beautiful imagery of the-river-as-life, but in the spiritual life of our friend, Jayber.  Something was about to rise in his heart.

And something was rising in my heart also.

Last week we finished when Jayber began his journey away from the seminary, and away from any of the rules that he had felt tying him down there.  He found himself doing odd jobs, mucking out horse stalls--any job to keep food on the table.  Until one day he wandered into a barber shop for a much needed haircut. It was then that his old days of serving the barber back at the orphanage proved to be a good starting point for a forgotten career choice.  He fell into the cutting of hair and to the listening of stories as if it were a second nature.  

But his heart was still empty.

Careers alone cannot fill the void in our hearts.

The call to find HOME stirs in all of us.

And so Jayber left the city and did not look back.  Here is where the river's rising comes to test Jayber's staunch position of separation from a CREATOR who could have allowed unanswerable deep questions to rise in his heart.  As he began his walk back to his hometown, he found himself facing a dangerous bridge over the swirling river.

Have you ever walked that bridge between what you thought you knew,

across to the place of deeper mysteries,

where only a Savior

can rescue your from your doubts?

And as he faced those thundering currents, something broke within his heart:

"And this is what it was like—the words were just right there in my mind, and I knew they were true: “the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.” I’m not sure that I can tell you what was happening to me then, or that I know even now. At the time I surely wasn’t trying to tell myself. But after all my years of reading in that book and hearing it read and believing and disbelieving it, I seemed to have wandered my way back to the beginning—not just of the book, but of the world—and all the rest was yet to come. I felt knowledge crawl over my skin."

Berry, Wendell. Jayber Crow: A Novel (Port William) (p. 79). Counterpoint. Kindle Edition. 

As the flooding river forced many along its banks to seek shelter, Jayber found himself moving with the evacuees to a safe place overnight. Although he wouldn't allow himself to fully be counted as one of them--after all, he was only walking through, on his way back to his own hometown--nonetheless his heart was stirred by their plight. When he woke early the next morning, while most were still sleeping, Jayber felt a strange desire:

"All the others were asleep, and I remember how small and still and tender they looked. If I could have done it, I would have liked to tiptoe around and just lay my hand on each one."

Berry, Wendell. Jayber Crow: A Novel (Port William) (p. 83). Counterpoint. Kindle Edition.  

And here is where my own heart broke. Into a man who felt the questions were too deep to be a proper preacher, there yet arose a stirring of a True Shepherd.

When the river of God's Spirit awakens within us,

When the true heart of our Creator is birthed inside,

Compassion will find a way to flow free.  

In this world today, where chaos and heartbreak and calamaties too numerous to count, hit the front pages everyday, where is the Justice of our Creator? 

 "Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom."

Isaiah 40:28 

The days grow closer, until the time that HE will step in and say "Enough! My people have suffered long enough!" And He will return to bring justice to this earth.  Jesus told us,

 "Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come."

Matthew 24:12 

And I must ask myself,

How cold is my own heart?

Is the river of compassion rising within me?

Will I let the love of a simple barber

point me to the deepest love of all,

the ONE testimony for which

all life was created?



"God’s readiness to give and forgive is now public. Salvation’s available for everyone! We’re being shown how to turn our backs on a godless, indulgent life, and how to take on a God-filled, God-honoring life. This new life is starting right now, and is whetting our appetites for the glorious day when our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, appears."
Titus 2:11-13 (The Message) 
 


I pray that this new rendition of a song from my childhood, will stir in you a longing for His appearing also:

Please join me here tomorrow for an encouraging new connection!



Today I am linking with:
Debbie Kitterman, #TuneInThursday 

 

Day 27: Listen for HIS Heartbeat

Five years ago today . . . 

Does your phone or tablet have that app?

You know, the one that shows your pictures

from a previous year,

hoping that you will share them all over again?

Well, this morning when I saw where I was 

five years  ago today,

I heard a whisper from my Lord's heartbeat,

"Write about my compassion." 

And I knew what He meant. 

I was in Vietnam five years ago.  As I had prepared for the trip, and the days grew closer for my departure, I had a wave of panic sweep over me when I remembered the illnesses that my son had suffered on his previous trips. This was in my pre-RA days, and even though I was fairly healthy, I knew that I would be in a totally different environment than what I was used to.  As I prayed over my journey, I very clearly heard my Lord whisper to me, 

"If I keep you healthy,

will you be willing to pray 

over someone there

who is ill?" 

This should have been an easy answer for me, as I was as accustomed to praying as I was to breathing.

It was part of who I was.

But, Lord, I am traveling there

as a guest to my 

daughter-in-law's family.

They don't understand my language,

and they don't understand

my Faith.

The whisper would not leave me, and I knew

that my answer would be yes,

even though my heart still

held onto it's own fearing.

It was an amazing trip, with memories to last a lifetime.  We walked through Customs with hardly a question, and my health never faltered.  I ate all of the food set before me, and enjoyed every bit.  Then came the day,

Five years ago today . . .

When I walked into the small home of one of the family members.

The meal was being prepared out in the separate kitchen. The fire was burning under the heavy pot, and I felt that nudging of my Lord, preparing me to pay attention.  We all began to eat the meal, but I noticed that a brother-in-law was sitting by himself, out on the porch of the home.  "Oh, he is sick," my daughter-in-law translated for me, in response to my questioning.  "He is often ill, and cannot eat with us."  And my heart's compassions were stirred within me.  

Oh, Lord, this is who you want me to pray for,

isn't it?

So, after the meal, as my daughter-in-law loosely translated, I layed my hands on this brother's chest, and offered prayers to my Lord for him.  And the next evening, when he still felt sick, I prayed again. And a week later, as many of the family came to say good-by to us at the airport, this brother was beaming, as I placed my hand on my chest and then pointed to heaven & said "Jesu!" as we were leaving.

I cannot speak his language,

and I may never know until Heaven

how the Lord's compassions

touched the heart of a brother 

thousands of miles 

away from my home.

But I will never forget the way that

God touched me with HIS heart

in order to give back from 

that same heartbeat of compassion. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (MSG)  "All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too."


Ah, but where does that leave me today,
here in this Season of 
Listening with Chronic Illness?
God has obviously allowed
me to walk right into
the disease this time.
He has chosen NOT
to bring me out of the sickness.
And yet, I hear His Whispers once again,


"Even if I don't make you well,
will you still be willing 
to pray for people,
for the ones that I show you,
with the 
compassions of MY heart?"


And I know that my answer will be 
yes.


Are you in a place of sorrow
or pain?


My heart's compassions are stirred now
with the Comfort my Lord has brought to me.
And I long to pray for you
to know that same comfort
that only Jesus brings. 



 
This is Day 27 for the #Write31Days Challenge,
and I am honored that you are walking with me
through these #31Days of Listening with Chronic Illness.

Click here to find the Series Index

   

I am linking today with some great bloggers over at
#LiveFreeThursday with Suzie Eller



 

I am linking up with Bonnie Gray and her book, Finding Spiritual Whitespace, again. As she explored the thought of Rest as it relates to being alone with Jesus, she re-told the story of the Mount of Transfiguration, and the Disciples seeing the Glory of Jesus shining before them (Can you imagine being witness to such an incredible moment?) But the fear that overtook them as the Mountain Trembled,  was QUIETED as Jesus spoke to them,  ALONE with only them.  

So, is there a quietness that my fearful heart needs to embrace in my own time of being ALONE with Jesus?

HUMILIATION and SHAME

Those two little words were never part of my picture of disease or illness. 

In the past, I thought I viewed people who were suffering through the eyes of compassion.  I hurt for them, and I wanted to find a way to help them. I wanted to lift them to Jesus most of all.

But something changed when I was the one suffering.  

I never thought about the humiliation that might come when I could not hold the coins in my hand at the check-out counter. I never thought about the shame of being seen as the Shuffling-One as I tried to move out of the way for the Hurried-Ones.  No, I had felt the shame of messing up from my own mistakes, or being hurt by another's wrong choices.

But how was it that I came to this place of being humiliated by my own physical condition?  And where did I pick up this feeling of being ashamed by my illness?  I was as shocked by what I was carrying around in my heart, even more than what I was carrying around in my body.

As I cried out to Jesus, I realized that God never HUMILIATES.   God brings HUMBLENESS, a lesson that I have asked to be taught many times throughout my lifetime.  I was ready to learn again, here in this place of Chronic Illness.  But I realized that before I could learn more about humbleness, I would need to learn how to quiet my heart from this weight of SHAME that I carry with me.

Quiet my own heart?  There is so much fear attached to shame and humiliation: Fear of being exposed, feeling naked in the shame.  I am not alone in this Shame Game.  I have borne the burdens of many others who also walk hunched over by shame. Could it be that Jesus is letting me physically bear this shuffling time, hunched over in protectiveness from the pain, so that I can let that compassion run deeper in my veins?

Jesus invites me in, where He dwells, into my most vulnerable heart.  And He whispers

HUSH, BE STILL, HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY

I cannot be near to His Heart without feeling His heartbeat.  He covers the Shame of the naked ones, and He lifts up the shuffling of the humiliated ones.

"So I wrapped my cloak around you to cover your nakedness and declared my marriage vows. I made a covenant with you, says the Sovereign LORD, and you became mine." Ezekiel 16:8

The Lord of all, calls us HIS OWN and invites us to share in HIS GLORY.  When HE covers our shame, with HIS OWN cloak, then we truly are transformed, lifting our shuffling to gaze on HIM.