Before I began this Journey into Chronic Illness more than two years ago,
I had immersed myself in praying
the Scriptures,
through a Beth Moore book, titled,
I did not see the place that lay before me.
But my Lord was making preparation.
Even as the pain began increasing,
and the Specialist spoke the words
Chronic Rheumatoid Arthritis,
I did not feel the darkness that was lying
in wait
to pounce and cover me as the
nights began to swallow the days.
But today the nudge of my Lord
led me back to the first chapter of
Beth Moore's book, and her quote:
"The giant step in the walk of faith is the one we take when we decide God no longer is a part of our life. He is our life."
followed by this passage in Acts:
“The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.'"
Acts 17:24-28 NIV
I don't think I could have seen how much I depended on my own healthy, strong self
until that self became en-robed in weakness.
Oh, don't get me wrong here.
I longed for God to be my life.
I cried out for Him to expose my hidden sins,
and I searched the words that my mind
fell back upon to see His Mercy.
But physically?
Well, that was my own responsibility.
I tried to make healthy choices.
I walked those trails to increase my stamina,
and I pushed my strength,
day after day as I shoveled and carried and
weeded my way through our land.
So when I found myself being gradually
stripped of those abilities,
I heard myself complaining to God,
"Why did you bring me to this place if I can't take care of it?"
Ah,
There's the catch, isn't it?
What if He wanted to show me exactly that?
Maybe I am here, BECAUSE I cannot
take care of it,
and
Maybe He wants to be more than a part of my
spiritual and emotional life.
HE WANTS MY WHOLE LIFE.
MY WHOLE BROKEN SELF.
So, in these days before the Official
THANKSGIVING DAY,
my heart is filled with Thanks:
Thanks for the preparation
and Thanks for the journey
that leads me to more of HIM
who is my whole life.
And in this way,
our hearts can truly say
we are thankful in every season.
I am linking this week with these great sites:
I had that verse in my head a couple of days ago, or maybe I should say the song..In Him we live and move and have our being. I was thinking about the verse, that it applies to our physical bodies, too. See He has been showing me that I haven't been surrendering all to him with my body. I don't always ask Him, but rather indulge. In lack of exercise, in too little sleep, in poor eating choices. I know He wants all of me, too. Surrendering is a process. At least it is for me in this area! #TeaAndWord
ReplyDeleteYes, Kelly, that was such a catchy Scripture song wasn't it? I am glad that it does echo in my heart as well! And yes, this surrendering is surely a process for me as well. I am so convicted when He reveals a new area that hasn't been given over to Him. But then, He sees our surrender there as so precious doesn't He? Glad to be neighbors over at #TeaAndWord this week! --Blessings!
DeleteHi Bettie,
ReplyDeleteWhat a reflective and introspective look at your journey and I admire how you've determined to see what God was saying to you in that place that wasn't of your own choosing.
It's amazing and completely unfathomable sometimes how God works through us and in our weakest areas to show us his strength and then we feel his love poured out on us and it's overwhelming, isn't it? Bettie, you are such a gem and I love it that we've connected this year! xoxo
Dear Valerie, Yes, I so treasure the connections that God has brought to us this year also! I agree with you that our Lord's working is amazing and unfathomable. Just when I think I have come to a place of understanding, He shows me a new depth of His Love that I had not seen before! Thank you for sharing your heart of encouragement with me! xoxo
ReplyDelete"In Him we live and move and have our being." Amen. Thank you for this reminder, Bettie. "HE WANTS MY WHOLE LIFE. MY WHOLE BROKEN SELF." It's so amazing how He can still use us broken. I do wish you had a healthy body, but I don't think we would get as much deep-seated encouragement here if you didn't have chronic illness. I know you are often a source of hope for me in the struggle. :) God works in mysterious ways, doesn't He? Blessings and hugs!
ReplyDeleteDear Trudy, Thank you for your beautiful words! You are an encouragement to me, knowing that somehow my small offering points you to Jesus! Oh, He does work in mysterious ways, to bring us all closer to His Heart. I am learning to be thankful here, as He shows me more of Himself that I would not have seen any other way. I pray that He will bring you fresh blessings this week, my friend! Hugs!
DeleteThis really resonates with me, Bettie because I too had been (and still catch myself) trying to live life "for" Him (which is good) more than "with" Him. I think it comes from the legalistic side (the recovering perfectionist side) of me that is learning to lay down in surrender to the life of abundance He wants me to have instead. Such good words here today, friend!!!
ReplyDeleteDear Meg, I love how you expressed that "to live life FOR Him more than WITH Him." Because, yes, that legalistic side continues to rear its ugly head, doesn't it? When all the while, Jesus is waiting with so much GRACE and His abundance for us! Thank you for your encouragement, Meg! Hugs & Blessings to you, my friend!
DeleteOh Bettie, this place of brokenness and illness feels so empty and dry until we see just how much God longs to meet with us there, to offer Himself, the refreshing gift of His presence, while He sits with us and helps to make us whole. And we tend to see healing as mostly a physical thing and weakness and pain only pointers to the darkness without and within. Yet how God's heart aches for us to pursue Him most of all in the wilderness we find we are in. These words jumped out at me:
ReplyDelete"Maybe He wants to be more than a part of my
spiritual and emotional life.
HE WANTS MY WHOLE LIFE.
MY WHOLE BROKEN SELF"
Indeed He does! And will stop at nothing to awaken us to the truth of those words. Thank you for sharing so transparently and offering us a beautiful glimpse of how God is at work in your life. I'm a Beth Moore fan, too. Her 'Breaking Free' book was instrumental in helping me to overcome a painful past. Bless you, dear friend, for your sweet words and open heart. I treasure them both. xo
Dear Joy,
DeleteOh yes, how much "God's heart aches for us to pursue Him most of all in the wilderness we find we are in." So often I want to avoid this wilderness, and try to wish it all away, when this is where HE is waiting for me, right here. Your words bring me encouragement as I know you speak from the place where He is teaching you also. I'm thankful that another Beth Moore book was important in your life too! I'm so blessed by your words and friendship! Hugs xoxo