When Worry Wastes Beauty

The springtime sun revealed the sad state of our yard this weekend.  And while my husband mowed the lawn for the first time this year, I tried to be thankful for the abilities that are still mine, and enjoy the small containers that I had filled with pansies.  They were my Mom's favorite spring flowers, after all.


But not too many minutes later, I heard myself bemoaning the fact that I could not rake and trim and spend the entire day working like I used to do.  Where only moments before I saw the beauty, now I could only see the tasks still left undone.

Please don't tell me I'm alone in this? Am I the only one who can so easily fall off of the Thankfulness Wagon?

So, when my head hit the pillow, several hours later, I was reminded once again, where my heart condition had become derailed. I heard the voice of my Lord stirring in my heart: 

Will all your worries add a single moment to your life?

And why worry about your clothes? Look at the field lilies! They don’t worry about theirs.

Matthew 6:27-28 TLB 




There is so much beauty all around--free for the taking! We wait all winter for spring, but then rush past its beauty on our way to the next task, the next season.

 

 Beautiful Moments

Worry is a curse

Blinders causing me to miss

Beauty in my day 
  --BG







I have so much to see in this small garden that I've been given. And while I cannot do all of the things I wish I could, I can pause, remove the blinders, and peer into this life of mine. 



The garden that is my heart, 
would sing with a beauty all it's own, 
a tune of springtime and life renewed,
if I could hear the music
being sung to my soul.

A song of daffodils and pansies
of robins and finches,
A song of Love sent
from a God who cares
And dreamed all of this
for hearts to receive. 

 







This #Haiku #Poetry was offered for the challenge put out by Ronovan over at his site:  Ronovan Writes
where the prompts this week are "Beautiful&Curse."
Join me there to see a great list of other Haiku.


I am linking today with:
Meg Weyerbacher, #TeaAndWordTuesday 
Jennifer Dukes Lee, #TellHisStory 
 

   

In Awe of Wonders

The early morning quiet was shattered by the pounding of hail on the roof, and I knew my sleep was finished. So I turned on the light and checked outside: sure enough, there were the little white balls, bouncing in the pouring rain. 

Even though fatigue still had the better of me, I put on my robe and slippers, and poured the coffee as I waited for first light.  Expecting to see nothing but grey after such a fierce storm, I was surprised by the glimmers of brightness that only a cloudless parting could reveal.

"The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders;
    where morning dawns, where evening fades,
    you call forth songs of joy."

Psalm 65:8 NIV 

And into this heart that was weary and sad, hope glimmered alongside the rays of the dawn. 

Life Wins

Earth breathes life anew

A wonder to watch and spy

Because death can't win 

--BettieGilbert

Awaken the Dawn

When the dawn awakes

 We spy a glimpse, catch Heaven's

Touch of wonder new

   --BettieGilbert







As this Holy Week moves us closer 

to Resurrection Morning,

I pray that you

will have a taste

of glimmering hope.

Jesus overcame the grave

and death has lost

its sting!

Because He lives

there is wonder

for each one,

if only we will let Him

awaken our hearts.

This week's #Haiku #Poetry Prompts were the words "Wonder&Spy" as part of the challenge

offered by Ronovan Hester over at his site

Ronovan Writes.

Visit there to find a community of poets!



I am linking today with:

Meg Weyerbacher, #TeaAndWordTuesday 

Jennifer Dukes Lee, #TellHisStory 
 

After the Fire

It was a cloudy, grey day, but my heart longed to hear the early spring birds that were gathered at the lakeside, so we drove again to our favorite spot. 

What a difference 

there was at the lake this week!

The Park District

had managed their

"controlled burn"

over most of the land there.

The Land Cries

The burned over land

aches in chagrin, wait and see

New joy will grow soon.

--Bettie Gilbert

It's certainly not a pretty sight there now. But those controlled, or prescribed burns are so necessary to steward and manage the lands for conservation.  According to the Wisconsin DNR's site, "State wildlife officials conduct prescribed burns on public lands throughout Wisconsin in the spring to improve wildlife habitat, control invasive plant species, restore and maintain native plant communities and reduce wildfire potential."

Did you know that many native grasses and wildflowers develop deep roots that can withstand the high heat of the fires, while the invasive plants are shallow rooted, and give way to the heat?

So, where does that leave my heart

 when the fires rage inside? 

The Fire Within

Burned over heart, the

Chagrin of it all, bubbling

Joy is now set free

--Bettie Gilbert

 "We went through fire and water,
    but you brought us to a place of abundance."

Psalm 66:12 NIV 

Left to myself, I would choose clear skies and balmy breezes every day. But just as necessary as rain, the fire serves its purpose also.

May I learn to wait and watch

for the joy yet to come

After the fire

and after the rain.

These #Haiku are prompted by the #Poetry Challenge put forth by Ronovan Hester over at his site:

Ronovan Writes 

where the prompts this week are "Chagrin&Joy."

Join me there, and give it a try!


I am linking today with:
Meg Weyerbacher, #TeaAndWordTuesday 
Jennifer Dukes Lee, #TellHisStory 
 

  

  

 

The Secret of His Presence

My thoughts this week

have been filled with eternity.

 A dear friend just left this earth,

and now there is a void in my heart

and in the hearts of all who loved her.


Are you missing someone dear?

Can we face sorrow together?

I Miss You

Your death leaves a hole

You have found the secret place

But my heart still burns

 --Bettie Gilbert

And while my heart still grieves,
there is a hope that goes deeper
than any pain could touch,
A waiting for the time 
our paths will connect again.

My dear one is at the feet of Jesus
Her pain no longer consumes
Her soul has found relief
And her body is set free.



Heaven of Love

The secret of God

Rests in His Heaven of Love

My soul burns to go 

--Bettie Gilbert 



I pray you find the comfort that Jesus brings
Sharing in our sorrows
And bearing all our grief. 

These poems are offered as part of the #Haiku #Poetry Challenge

placed by Ronovan Hester over at his site: Ronovan Writes 

where the prompts this week are "Secret&Burn." Find other great Haiku when you click over to his site.

I am linking today with:

Meg Weyerbacher, #TeaAndWordTuesday 

Jennifer Dukes Lee, #TellHisStory 

  

 

 

 

Poetry and the Stillness of LIfe

I awoke early this morning, waiting for the new arrival of our youngest Grandbaby, and my heart was filled with so many emotions.

 Too full for expression even

So I looked over at Ronovan Hester's site to see if he had posted the prompts for this week for his poetry challenge issued at #RonovanWrites, 

where the charge is given to write #Haiku using his prompts. Sure enough, there were the words for this week: #flow&tear.

Oh, I know these words, I thought, 

as my heart is filled 

with the weariness of the flow of the trial 

on my own path,

and yet I sense the tearing that will come

as I let go of old ways

to find the healing

in the new.

Isn't that also a picture of 

Labor and Birth? 

"My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Psalm 73:26 NKJV 

When we carry our children

with a heart full of love

we find ourselves

carried over the edge,

our hearts lacking enough

to be what's needed.

We find in the failing

that God is enough

brimming over

with fullness

the flow never ceasing

with Love.

So, again this week, I will try my hand at joining in this #Haiku Challenge. I had to try two, since my heart was stirred in separate ways. Here is my first offering:

 

Heart and Healing

  Heart will you tear free

River of healing can flow

Strength and Life renew

                                --Bettie Gilbert 

 And the second offering with the little one in mind:

Life is Born

The wee Babe inside

Pushing through sac to tear free

New breath will flow in 

                               --Bettie Gilbert  

"The Lord is my strength and my shield
 my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.

My heart leaps for joy,

    and with my song I praise him."

Psalm 28:7 NIV 




I am linking this week with:
#TellHisStory, Jennifer Dukes Lee 

 

The Holiness of Grace

Some days breakfast with your devotions is a great idea. Other days, not so much.  Especially if the devotions you are reading are on your tablet, and the phone rings, and your oatmeal . . . well, you get the picture. Thankfully my keyboard has dried out enough that only a couple keys still remain sticky!  

I'm a mess, and I know it.

 Do you ever feel that messiness when you look at yourself? 

This Chronic Illness journey has taught me more about the state of my own "messiness" than I ever thought I could understand.  It seems that there are days that no matter how hard I try, I just can't "cut the mustard," as we used to say in my childhood small town.  


It wasn't always this way. People depended on me to be the strong one--the one who could be faithful to the end, and responsible to her core. And when I was thrown into situations beyond my understanding, I knew that in order to survive, I would have to find my strength in God's strength.  And He came through for me, for our family, again and again. He let me walk through troubled water, and through places and events that made no sense. He let me walk through places of Silence, when I doubted I would ever hear His voice again.  

He let me 

           voice my questions

                     share my struggles

                              come to the end of myself

And then He met me there to show me how He had never left my side, and was walking with me all along, through all of my doubting.

But what happens when God lets you know

that the path you are entering

is one where He will not

make you stronger?

In fact, walking the pathway

means that you

will become weaker?

Will my heart contain the

trembling?

Will my soul bear the

frailty?

 

I have been reading C.S. Lewis' Till We Have Faces, as part of the online Book Study that Michele Morin is hosting at her site, Living Our Days. This week, while I am still absorbed in watching Orual's teacher, "The Fox" express his own heart, a continuing theme that keeps running throughout the story would not leave my mind. The book is a re-telling of the myth of Psyche, told through the eyes of the Princess Orual, Psyche's older sister. When Orual is approaching the end of her life, she begins our story with the very theme that has been filling my mind: she is angry at the gods, and she is convinced that the gods, themselves, hate her. 

Orual is someone who has never experienced any of God's Grace. 

I was someone who took that very Grace for granted.

But several years ago, when I stepped out of my comfort zone of Grace-filled-situations, and journeyed alongside those who had never known the comfort of Grace, my eyes began to open, and my heart began to feel how this very GOD, who is so dear to me, could feel too large and too HOLY for a mere human to approach.


From her earliest days, Orual had a fear of the gods, but when she was confronted by a situation beyond her control, and set in the room with the priest, who demanded horrific things of them all, Orual says, "the room was full of spirits, and the horror of holiness." 

My mind immediately knew that she was facing the darkness from the enemy of our souls. But then my heart remembered my own

eye-opening relationships, and my journey alongside those who had never known the God of Grace.

And I felt in my own soul

         the overwhelming bigness of a God that I could not approach,

                  the horror of a HOLINESS that contrasts

                             the messiness within my own soul.


Even if I looked into the longing of my heart for 

        SOMEONE bigger than myself,

                how could my trembling heart ever face HIM?


And yet . . .

Worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness;
    tremble before him, all the earth.

Psalm 96:9 NIV







These very words from our God, 
Himself, 
speak to the
trembling
that my weak soul 
now carries.
But it is this very weakness
that has moved HIM
to compassion.

  

Here in this place of weakness,
I know that I have
NOTHING
to offer the God
who created
everything I see.


But He opened Heaven
and gave me everything
when HIS LOVE
sent Jesus.


I can no longer accept a
CHEAP GRACE.
my JESUS 
gave Himself,
the only
ONE,
who opened a way
for me to step into
the Holy Place. 



"For it is from God alone that you have your life through Christ Jesus. He showed us God’s plan of salvation; he was the one who made us acceptable to God; he made us pure and holy and gave himself to purchase our salvation"

1 Corinthians 1:30 TLB 


This path set before me?
I can say,
as I have never known before,
that these words hold new meaning
for me:

 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."
2 Corinthians 12:9 


Where are you
on this path marked by Grace?
Are you in a place
that reeks of the 
"Horror of Holiness?"

There is a way
for you, my friend,
to plunge into that Comfort of Grace.

Jesus is that ONE,
and He longs to give
God's Grace to you as well.

If you are interested in checking out all of the posts pertaining to the book study of C.S. Lewis' "Till We Have Faces" you can find an index by clicking here.

 

I'm linking this week over at:
#TellHisStory, Jennifer Dukes Lee 

Stillness

I sat on the bridge

still as a stone

And watched the fish

darting and dashing

under the rocks

and into the shadows. 

And my heart 

felt as one 

knew the quiver

that a stirring in the water

could bring. 

Two and a half years ago, when my man and I walked to that bridge, I did not realize that I had already begun this Journey with Chronic Illness. Even though my joints had started their swelling, the first jolting-awake-with-fire-flare-pain was still several days away.  But in my heart there was a tiredness running so deep, and a sensitivity so acute that I felt I must be slipping into a Spiritual Fog of some sort. 

My life had been running on empty-full-empty-again for so long that I feared what might happen if the full failed to appear once again.

And just like that,

                     the empty overtook me,

                                And my spinning life found a new

                                                                rhythm by which to dance. 

"Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 46:10 NIV 

I spent the next year just trying to keep my darting and dashing emotions on some sort of even plane, as the medications were set before me, one after another. There were rashes and nausea and headaches and side effects more shameful than I care to recount.

But I never walked alone.

Have you felt that quivering in the water?

Have you known that stirring when Jesus sets down beside you,

and enters into the ocean of your troubles?

As my body finally accepted the proper medication, I spent the next year reeling from one diagnosis after another, and more tests than I care to recount. I watched my man dealing with his own health struggles. 

And I felt the quivering yet again,

telling me I would never be alone.

I heard the whispers to 

come away and rest awhile.

So, as this year of 2017 approached, I prayed for a #OneWord365, a Word that might set the course for this new year. Not unlike the other times I heard Him speak for #OneWordLent, and #OneWordAdvent, and even the theme for #Write31Days, I counted on God to speak what He wanted to give me.  

I just hadn't counted that it might feel like

more of the same.

Because the Word He gave was 

stillness.

Where can we hide when the shadows are flitting  

and our hearts are still darting?

There is a place of stillness

that centers in Jesus' heart.

There is a place of knowing God

that finds its rest in loving Him.

So, while my rhythm may still move to slow,

and my feet may not dance as I would want them to,

My Lord calls me in

and my heart runs to Him.  

Thank you so much to all who prayed for my husband's hand surgeries! God is restoring him to health, and helping him as he returns to work this week!


I am linking this week with 
Jennifer Dukes Lee, #TellHisStory  

and 
Bonnie Gray, #OneWordCoffee 
 

  

Indigo

It should be no surprise that I've decorated for Christmas using the color Blue.

My rooms are full of blue

year long

and every season.

But this year, Blue,

INDIGO,

has taken on a deeper meaning,

as I've looked at the Shepherds,

and felt the night watches

like never before.

Are you a blue person?  I think there are some of us who choose
the color blue as a favorite, for deeper reasons than we may have thought.  I usually pick "blue" whenever a random sampling of color faves is set before me. But it's not my only favorite. I waver between yellow and peach and lavendar, depending on my mood.

So where does this color feeling come from that is associated with blue?  

A friend sent me a link to this song by Fernando Ortega this week. It is a song that I sent to her several months ago.

And, it is a song that another friend had sent to me many

years ago, after I had my first glimpse of an

Indigo Bunting,

a beautiful blue bird that flashes like sapphire

if you are lucky enough to see him.

But the thing with this song is something I never realized until we moved into a house close to the woods, with a perfect setting for those beautiful birds. It really does take a stormy, cloudy day to see the full vividness of Indigo. On a sunny day, the color gets muted by the bright lights, but on those dark days, that flash of Indigo cuts through all of the surrounding gloom. 

And in the dark watches of the night,

what is the color of Hope that flashes through the gloom

in my heart?

I think God must have planned it this way.

Because even the ancient garment, the Ephod, worn by the

High Priest

was woven with that indigo blue.

"The three colors woven into the ephod were symbolic of Christ's incarnation, ministry, and second advent. The blue, probably indigo, was produced from a species of shellfish and speaks of Christ, who came down from heaven as the Son of God to do the Father's will."  

from "The Tabernacle: Shadows of the Messiah" by David M. Levy

"They made the ephod of gold, and of blue, purple and scarlet yarn, and of finely twisted linen."

Exodus 39:2, NIV 

This garment worn by the High Priest, and the dark blue of the night watches, where the Shepherds kept watch, they both point to this coming flash of light, a vivid awakening to HOPE where God met with the storms of mankind.

Jesus didn't come to a world that was bright and perfect and shining full of light.  No, He came right into a stormy mess, where a downtrodden people were crying out for justice, already having waited for what seemed like forever to find that clear patch of blue that was promised to them.

God opened the Heavens

and sent out His own dear gift of Indigo,

a patch of blue sky

to say 

"I love you"

to a world gone haywire.

In the night watches of these days

as my husband recovers from surgery,

and my weakened body

feels too overwhelmed

for a HOLIDAY,

my Lord parts the sky

and says

"I love you."

And Christmas is born again in me.

Is His Christmas born in you this year?

I pray that you will receive His gift

His

"I love you"

sent through the night.  

Linking with:
 #TellHisStory, Jennifer Dukes Lee

#TeaAndWordTuesday, Meg Weyerbacher