A New Heart

"Jesus calls us; o'er the tumult
Of our life's wild, restless sea,
Day by day His sweet voice soundeth,
Saying, 'Christian, follow Me.'"

 --from the hymn by Cecil Alexander, 1852

When you find yourself in an unexpected season, how do you react? I have found myself taking up both hardness and surrender, with a heart that has revealed my own tendencies to waffle back and forth.

But God has no intentions of letting my waffling change His Plans. He is forever working to bring about GOOD.


When this week's prompt showed up at Ronovan Hester's site, Ronovan Writes, 
for his #Haiku #Poetry challenge,
with the words "Shell & Coast,"
I was set to find pretty lakeside images
with dreamy vacation thoughts.


Oh, but how can I not listen to my heart when it is being stirred
with the truth of where I am actually walking? 

 

 

 

 

A New Heart

Break this hard heart shell

When I want only to coast

Thru life, Lord, move me.

 

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekial 36:26



In these days where my physical condition of waffling between pain and rest
mirrors the way of my heart,
I hear a VOICE beckoning to me,
calling me.


Come, follow Me,
and I will remove your stony heart
and give you a tender heart of flesh
with a single minded will
to pursue the way of love.



Whatever the place where we find ourselves,
be it planned or unplanned, 
there is a way to choose
LOVE
within the day,
within the moment.

There is always
SOMEWAY
that our lives can speak of Love.
There is always
SOMEONE
to be blessed by a tender heart
and a tender word.



I am thankful for these online communities that prompt my heart in ways both surprising and convicting. Take a risk and give it a try for yourself! You may just find an inner poet lurking within your heart as well.

Great sites to link with this week:

#RonovanWrites 

#Glimpsesofhisbeauty 
#TeaAndWordTuesday 

 
 
 





 

Day 24: Listen for Instructions

Have you ever felt that nothing you are doing

is making any difference?

Perhaps you have felt that you are doing everything

you know to do,

and yet the results have turned out

far below your expectations?  

Or, what if you are in the place 

where nothing makes sense

and there seems to be nowhere

to turn for any answer?

You are not alone, because I would have had to choose

"All of the Above"

if this were a multiple choice quiz,

about how to live with a 

Chronic Illness.

 I remember the days when my husband was in college,

and we had an 11 month old son

to care for.

God had just given us an incredible miracle

by opening up a low-rent apartment

where there had previously been

no vacancy in sight.

And I was grateful, truly I was.

But how could we pay even that small rent

when my husband could find no job

that would accommodate his school schedule?

And, with every ounce of my being, 

I wanted to stay home to care for our son.

He wasn't even weaned yet.

But I knew the answer that God was trying to give

to me.

Surrender

It's not a pretty word when we are fighting

against it.

Not when we think that we know what is best.

I wrestled with God over this question,

and fought with Him about

leaving my son with a caregiver

that was not me or my husband.

But He didn't change His direction,

just to meet my wish.

In fact, His instruction to me grew more clear

with every passing day.

And, I finally gave up the fight, and took the jobs 

that were offered to me.

I tried to hide my tears as I answered the phones,

typed out the letters,

and managed the files,

for companies that had no idea of my inner struggle.

The years passed, and my husband finally 

earned his degree,

and took up a position as Children's Pastor,

while I returned home to care for our

son, now 3 years old.

We played, and we worked together,

and we took long hikes in the woods,

chasing spiders and leaves,

and little-boy-wonders.

And my heart tucked away the years that I felt

had been eaten by the locust while

I had earned the income

for our family.

Until the day that I gave birth to our precious second son.

As I counted the months that had transpired

between my leaving the workplace,

until the day of that birth,

I realized that they were the exact amount of time

that I had been at work, away from

our first son.

God had indeed given back the time,

of my obedience to Him

without my realizing it.

 Isaiah 48:18-19 (MSG) 'And now, the Master, God, sends me and his Spirit with this Message from God, your Redeemer, The Holy of Israel: “I am God, your God, who teaches you how to live right and well. I show you what to do, where to go. If you had listened all along to what I told you, your life would have flowed full like a river, blessings rolling in like waves from the sea.'

Sometimes I think we feel that obedience to God

means perfection in this life,

and in so doing, we miss the blessing

that God is trying to show us,

that would flow full like the river.

But what if we truly listened to His voice,

and surrendered our choices,

to hear His instruction,

unfettered by our own demands?

Perhaps, we would see that the choices

set before us

are in the hands of the ONE

who truly has our best in mind,

the only ONE who knows what is right

for me and for you,

here today in this path of His choosing.

This is Day 24 in the #Write31Days Challenge.

I am so honored to walk this path with you

here in #31Days of Listening with Chronic Illness.

If want to catch up on any missed posts,

 Click here for the Series Index

 

 

Go Out With Joy

Isaiah 55:12

12 years . . . 

That's how long we've lived in Wisconsin.

First-time home-owners.

My husband joined in with the scores of suburban commuters, on that long-ago day in August, 2004.

You see, for the other 26 years of our marriage, we often lived on the edge.  College gave way to Children's Pastoring which gave way to Self-Employment which gave way to Temp-ing which gave way to traveling with a Drama Ministry . . . and life was seldom . . . predictable.

After all,  hadn't God given us Isaiah 55 as one of our Life-Verses, fresh out of high school?   I, for one, was eager to sign up for Excitement.  I was the quiet one, yet I longed to be part of a Grand Adventure. And if you know my husband . . . you know the adventure part of our relationship comes from him, and not from me. (Think Roller-Coaster Theme Parks!)

I grew accustomed to those years filled with adrenaline, and expected my life would stay that way. But of course, God shakes up our man-made ideas of structure, even if they include a view toward "non-structure!"  And I knew that when my husband agreed "to sign-up with corporate America" as a way of living, a great deal of surrender had occurred in the heart of my adventure-loving-man.  

The first Christmas we lived in Wisconsin, I gave him a set of photos with that Isaiah 55 verse hand-lettered on the mat.  I was acknowledging that I understood the irony of "going out" only to settle in behind that desk.  

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.'" Isaiah 55:8

Truly, there can be no Joyous-Going-Out and Peaceful-Coming-In, unless we have surrendered to the Sovereign Will of our God, who does not move in the ways that men might move. His thoughts are not like ours.

But oh, how much higher and sweeter and wiser are His ways!

"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements, and his paths beyond tracing out!" Romans 11:33

In this very place, God set aside a home for the quiet that I would need, and the beauty that my husband would seek as well.  Because "Going out" doesn't always require a physical movement. Sometimes the going is by way of the heart, by diving in to the depths of the riches that Jesus wants to plant in that softened soul soil.

As I watched my husband pushing the limits on that stresss-test-treadmill today, and I heard the Cardiologist say the words "Good!" I realized I had been holding my breath for a very long time.  Because this man has cared for me through my own weakness and pain in a way that I could not have envisioned before the Corporate-Surrender time. And my own trials had softened this heart of mine to be ready to take up the waiting, if this was the path required.  

But we rejoice over the report that the valves in his heart are sufficient for what is required! And as we prepare now for the original surgery to be rescheduled, we can say with open eyes that sometimes a new place happens in the place where you've been all along.

"Instead of thornbushes, pine trees will grow, and instead of briers, myrtles will grow; and they will be a sign for the LORD, and an everlasting name that will not be cut off." Isaiah 55:13

When we first moved into this home, we spent months clearing away thornbushes and briers.  Little did we know that God was clearing away the tangles that had rooted in our hearts.

  He was preparing the way, then, for this Season in life, today. For the hearts that are HIS, we bear HIS everlasting name.

I'm linking up this week with:

#TeaAndWordTuesday Meg Weyerbacher

#TellHisStory Jennifer Dukes Lee

#LiveFreeThursday Suzie Eller

  

 

The Garden That Was

Last week my husband helped to transplant this clematis before it succumbs to the shovel of the Landscapers tearing out its old home. And so,

the clematis has moved again. 

Yes, this is the same clematis, from  this post. 

 

I had told the story about the unhealthy rose roots that had to be removed, so that the healthy clematis could then take hold and bloom profusely in My Butterfly Garden.  That Garden Bed was installed by the previous owners, and was one of my favorite (read prideful) parts of this home that we purchased back in 2004.  I labored over that Bed, added many more plants through the years, and enjoyed the hummingbirds, and butterflies, and even the hummingbird moths that sipped the nectar of the blooms.

But there came a day when my limitations and the garden's limitations collided.  

My husband is the one who pointed out the inevitable to me this spring:  That Garden Bed cannot continue.  The landscaping blocks cannot be shored up any longer. Certainly not by this limited gardener. It must be removed.  THE WHOLE BED HAS BECOME UNHEALTHY.

But I don't understand! How could I have learned such a beautiful lesson about "Unhealthy Roots," only now to learn that the WHOLE BED IS UNHEALTHY?

 

It reminds me of the words with my Counselor this week.  

There are ways of learning that serve us well for a Season. But when that Season is past, if we cling to those old ways of learning, then God has to dig up the whole foundation. I have had many such uprootings throughout my life.  Each uprooting brought with it a time of surrender and letting go.  I loosened my grasp and grieved at the partings, knowing that what is given to God is never truly lost.  Trusting that was the case, but never seeing the results of those surrenders, I pushed on to persevere in my walk with Jesus.

But here in this place of Finding Spiritual Whitespace, where I am learning a new way of being still with Jesus, some days it feels like my entire foundation is being torn out.  Spending time with Jesus, just to be with HIM; finding new ways to create, just to bring HIM pleasure; and resting my painful body just to preserve HIS Dwelling Place in me??  ...  Finishing the work, and working to be the giver served me well in the past.  But clinging to them now has become another form of Pridefulness.  AND THAT FOUNDATION IS CRUMBLING.

The NEW Garden Bed that will come after the old is torn out, will be much smaller and on level ground.  No more hillside tottering, and no more JungleBook plantings of excess.  And the NEW Garden in my Soul?  I will be content to wait and see what God brings, up from the QUIET.

I praise Thee while my days go on;

I love Thee while my days go on;

Through dark and dearth, through fire and frost,

With emptied arms and treasure lost,

I thank Thee while my days go on.

                  --E.B.Browning

"The Lord knoweth the soul of His servants; and none of them that trust in Him shall be desolate."

Psalm 34:22 KJV