HANDS

There it was again, that old familiar wake-up call: a wave of nausea followed by a jolt of pain and then the rush of anxiety.  This journey through RA/Fibromyalgia has left me well acquainted with the Night Watches of Anxiety.  But this time, a word followed closely on the heels of the normal rush: HANDS, and it came so insistently that I felt there must be something my Lord wanted to uncover inside of my thoughts.  


And then it all came back in a flood: this is the week for my husband's hand surgeries. After all these months of the RA attacking MY hands, and the pain and swelling, and even the residual tendon damage left after my meds have begun to bring me relief, now we must face the surgeries to repair carpal tunnel damage in both of my HUSBAND'S wrists. Simultaneously.  

Are you asking me to examine my hands, Lord?

Or are you trying to teach me

more

about YOUR hands?

A few months ago, a dear blogging friend, Trudy Den Hoed, wrote a beautiful blogpost about looking up and trusting that God is holding us. As the pain and anxiety rushed through me, the words of her post and the song she had posted were also running through my mind, bringing great comfort in the middle of the night.

Click here to read her post

My mind and body found peace as the Lord brought STILLNESS to the night watch again. But when I woke this morning, the word HANDS was still echoing in my thoughts. 

Yes, Lord, I trust you.

You have us

and 

You hold us.

But where is the foundation

of my knowing that?

What is the reason

I know your hands

are safe?

I know that my hands

are weak.

Forever

I am left with a 

reminder

of what disease

has done to my body.

How can I hold onto

YOUR hands

when my hands

can not hold close

to anything?

And then I knew. This weakness left behind in me, forever keeps my gaze fixed upward. There is only ONE who has the strength, enough to win salvation for me. And this ONE left HIS HOME in Heaven to make HIS HOME in ME.

 

Sing to the Lord a new song,
    for he has done marvelous things;
his right hand and his holy arm
    have worked salvation for him.

Psalm 98:1 NIV 

 

My hands may be weak. My husband's hands may be damaged. But we were never meant to work the healing necessary on our own. Jesus is the only safe one to hold onto us. And Jesus is the only one who holds out God's Salvation 

for me

and for my husband

and for you.

I am linking this week over at these great sites:
#TellHisStory Jennifer Dukes Lee 
#TeaAndWordTuesday Meg Weyerbacher 





 

A Lasting Inheritance

Today would have been my Father's 95th Birthday.

Already, he's been gone to Heaven for 20 years,

and my Mother joined him there 7 years ago.

There are days still, when it feels like I could  

 pick up the phone

and hear their voices

checking in on my day, and my home here.

But their HOME has become so much more

than I can now realize,

FOREVER in the presence of Jesus.

Just one year before he left us, my Dad and my Mom

celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary.

They renewed their vows, and we celebrated with them

a love that had stood the test of time.

I longed to give them a meaningful gift,

and finally knew what it would be when I heard this Michael Card song, popular in the '90's.

I hand-lettered the lyrics and framed it specially,

and cried as I let the words sink deep into my heart:

(Thank you, Joy Lenton, for your wonderful post about Advent and Home
over at the Godspace Community that stirred my remembering this week.)


But as this current Season of Transition continues
to bring thoughts of transformation and growth
to my mind,
the looking-back that came through that song
has brought an amazing touch of 
FREEDOM
to my life.

If you had looked at my life as it related to my Mother, 
and if you had known me during any of those years,
you would have seen that ANXIETY
was ingrained,
and WORRY attached itself
to any and every conversation
held with her.

I carried a hidden shame, knowing that
I was required to be the peace-giver
to still those worries,
and take care of the issues
that held her heart in fear.

I carried a hidden shame, knowing that
I could be passing along those 
same weights of anxiety
to my own children.


But just as surely as God uncovers the hidden weaknesses,
He will bring the healing that is needed for
those broken places to be made whole.
And when I read the Bible Verse
given to me today for my daily verse,
my heart leaped in HOPE
because it was the very verse given to me
as I began the journey to pray for those
generational chains
to be broken:


  "Instead of your shame

    you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
    you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
    and everlasting joy will be yours"

Isaiah 61:7 NIV 


Today, my Dad's Birthday,
Today, the day I start physical therapy 
for yet another painful area,
Today is the day I can see the double portion
given to me:

A lasting inheritance to rejoice in!
My Mother and Father are free
in their FOREVER HOME,
and I have been blessed with the 
EVERLASTING JOY
of 
JESUS LIVING IN ME.

My parents gave me the Gift of Jesus,
and 
He brings everything
that I could possibly need:
every healing and
every freedom,
These are my Inheritance.

Can you still your thoughts
and 
ease your burdens down
and 
listen along with me?

What if we could see
during this time of Advent,
and preparing for Christmas,
that HE who came to dwell with us,
is really our 
HOME,
our INHERITANCE,
far more costly and pure
than anything else
handed down through the generations?


Home by Michael Card

"Home is a comfort and home is a light
A place to leave the darkness outside
Home is a peaceful and ever full feeling
A place where the soul safely hides

And being at home should remind you that still
There's a place that's prepared just for you
And I think that my home is just heaven's reflection
As long as my home is here with you

Home is where someone is waiting and loving
And happy to see you again
That half of your heart that somebody else treasures
The one who's your forever friend

But it seems that He's told me, the life that He's shown me
Is a life mostly spent on the road
But when the world's empty charm has done all of its harm
I know that His love waits for me in your arms

'cause home is a comfort and home is a light
A place to leave the darkness outside
Home is a peaceful and ever full feeling
A place where a soul safely hides

And being at home should remind you that still
There's a place that's prepared just for you
And I think that my home is just heaven's reflection
As long as my home is here with you" 



I am linking this week over at these great sites:
#TellHisStory, Jennifer Dukes Lee 
#TeaAndWordTuesday, Meg Weyerbacher 
#LiveFreeThursday Suzie Eller 
 

The Joy of Consolation

 

 

 

When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

Psalm 94:19, NIV 








What do you do when 

your heart trembles

under a load of 

anxiety?

Do you have a word that soothes

or a song that comforts?

I have a treasure chest full

that measures an abundance of 

JOY

just waiting for me.

Sometimes easily forgotten, 

one simple thought

can take me down the path

that will open the vault of memories

stored

with friends of the most

heart-full kind.

There is the friend who 

drove the car while my husband held onto 

our mattress tied to the roof of the car.

Then there is the couple who 

brought 3 pies to our house

and got snowed in at Thanksgiving

so we ate all the pies, the four

of us, in ONE day.

Or maybe I would remember the

friend who eagerly shared my

joy in gardening and donned her

raincoat and boots

just so that we would not miss our

yearly Garden Planting Day.

Ah, yes, another gardening friend

came alongside

for our Secret Gardening Forays

as we transplanted and prettied

up our townhouse complex

together.

But what kinds of friends would

willingly

sign up to portray the cast of

a Gilligan Christmas

put on by the STAFF of your Church?

True friends who know what it means

to love to the full

day in and day out

because 

that's what Jesus calls us to do.

And by the time I've 

walked through the years

back up to the present,

and my heart is looking down 

the trail that is today,

I find a new list of friends.

Ones who have joined me with
Blogging, Facebook, and Emails for

Digital Loving,

a phrase I did not know could exist.

But then,

who would have thought that

mattress chugging,

pie eating,

boot wearing,

shovel bearing,

and 

costume wearing

could be ways to find true consolation

and JOY

from Jesus?

There is no room for anxiety

when my heart is so full

of LOVE like that. 


And so to all of my friends,
both near and far,
And to all of my Loved Ones
who live in my heart,
I am THANKFUL for the gift
of consolation
that Jesus brings through you.



I am linking this week over at these great sites:
#TeaAndWordTuesday, Meg Weyerbacher 
#TellHisStory, Jennifer Dukes Lee 
#LiveFreeThursday, Suzie Eller 
 

 

 

"Roll thy cares, and thyself with them, as one burden all on thy God."  --R. Leighton

"Whatever the care which breaks thy rest,

Whatever the wish that swells thy breast,

Spread before God that wish that care,

And change anxiety to prayer."  --Anon.

The care that breaks my rest?  The anxiety that storms my nights?  It was one of the words that broke the surface of my first meeting with my Counselor:  my own body.  My own body has become a stranger to me.  What was never a good relationship has now become a torrent of anger between my body and my soul.  Oh, I know that God desires us to be presented blameless before Him: body, soul, and spirit.  But my soul cannot abide this body.  I see it now.  Try as I might to wish it otherwise, there is no denying the war within.

But it cannot continue.  

 

She asked me if I could at least declare a truce. My body and me.

I know the answer that Jesus would desire for me to find.  After all, He has been speaking the same thing in His own words, as He climbs right into my soul.  "Come in with me.  I am already here within you. In this pain, I am here. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit: the place I choose to dwell."  

But I am angry that this body has fallen in weakness.  I take my rests, but purely out of obedience: grudgingly.  And the rest has become less than it should be.  Instead of desiring what is good for my body, I have desired for my body to give me what is good for ME.  It is only another form of selfishness.  Forgive me Jesus.  Only YOU speak what is GOOD for this child.  Only YOU speak what is good for this body of mine.  

I need help to count this restoring time as GOOD.  Not to kick against the pricks. It's what I do best these days: this kicking in my soul.  But my Savior, who comes to rescue the brokenhearted, knows that surrender comes in stages sometimes.  HE knows the help that I require.  HE leads the way for this child to find HIS good, even in the painful places.

 

And so I begin. This Truce.  My body and me.  Jesus, present me blameless before God, body, soul, and spirit.  I lay down my arms, and surrender, because I don't want to fight anymore.

And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. — 1 Peter 5:10