Stillness

I sat on the bridge

still as a stone

And watched the fish

darting and dashing

under the rocks

and into the shadows. 

And my heart 

felt as one 

knew the quiver

that a stirring in the water

could bring. 

Two and a half years ago, when my man and I walked to that bridge, I did not realize that I had already begun this Journey with Chronic Illness. Even though my joints had started their swelling, the first jolting-awake-with-fire-flare-pain was still several days away.  But in my heart there was a tiredness running so deep, and a sensitivity so acute that I felt I must be slipping into a Spiritual Fog of some sort. 

My life had been running on empty-full-empty-again for so long that I feared what might happen if the full failed to appear once again.

And just like that,

                     the empty overtook me,

                                And my spinning life found a new

                                                                rhythm by which to dance. 

"Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 46:10 NIV 

I spent the next year just trying to keep my darting and dashing emotions on some sort of even plane, as the medications were set before me, one after another. There were rashes and nausea and headaches and side effects more shameful than I care to recount.

But I never walked alone.

Have you felt that quivering in the water?

Have you known that stirring when Jesus sets down beside you,

and enters into the ocean of your troubles?

As my body finally accepted the proper medication, I spent the next year reeling from one diagnosis after another, and more tests than I care to recount. I watched my man dealing with his own health struggles. 

And I felt the quivering yet again,

telling me I would never be alone.

I heard the whispers to 

come away and rest awhile.

So, as this year of 2017 approached, I prayed for a #OneWord365, a Word that might set the course for this new year. Not unlike the other times I heard Him speak for #OneWordLent, and #OneWordAdvent, and even the theme for #Write31Days, I counted on God to speak what He wanted to give me.  

I just hadn't counted that it might feel like

more of the same.

Because the Word He gave was 

stillness.

Where can we hide when the shadows are flitting  

and our hearts are still darting?

There is a place of stillness

that centers in Jesus' heart.

There is a place of knowing God

that finds its rest in loving Him.

So, while my rhythm may still move to slow,

and my feet may not dance as I would want them to,

My Lord calls me in

and my heart runs to Him.  

Thank you so much to all who prayed for my husband's hand surgeries! God is restoring him to health, and helping him as he returns to work this week!


I am linking this week with 
Jennifer Dukes Lee, #TellHisStory  

and 
Bonnie Gray, #OneWordCoffee 
 

  

Day 26: Does God Listen?

"How can you just pray about

everything?"

I've had many people ask me that over the years. Often times they will follow

the first question

with this thought:

"Oh, I could never pray like you do.

You must have some special connection

with God."

And both of these questions have been

asked just as often by Jesus-followers

as by those not part of the Faith.

So what have I offered in response?

What is my answer to those

who seek to place me in some

super-prayer category?

"Oh, my friend, it's not because of me

that the words flow out unceasing.

No, it's because I've found out

that HE really does listen

to our cries.

I can pray because of

WHO

I lift those prayers unto.

  Psalm 116:1-2 (NIV)  "I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live."

 When life has tossed me

to the shore

like so much 

wasted driftwood,

When friends have

walked away

and called me

rejected and alone

When loss has cut so deep

I thought

the gash would 

never heal

the only echo in my soul

that found a home

and love

Came from the One

who shed His blood

And called me

fully HIS.

There was a time when those questions that my friends would ask me brought a sadness to my soul.  I felt that they were questioning me, and calling me "different" or "wierd."  At other times, I could hear a sense of separation in their voices, as if I was someone to put up on a shelf: nice, but out of reach for "normal" living. 

But those feelings always shifted when I could give those friends the true answer. I have nothing special. I am weak and lacking in my faith too.  And as I walk this path of Chronic Illness, it has become even more apparent that my praying is all because of HIM.  

Does God hear us when we cry?

Is His heart ready to listen

to our voice?

Psalm 145:18 (NIV) "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth."

He, Himself, tells us that He is near to ALL who call to Him,

asking honestly for His help.

There is no special language

or wording that He prefers,

only that of an honest soul

looking to HIM

for an answer

to the cry.

 Today is Day 26 of the #Write31Days Challenge

as we walk through #31Days of Listening with Chronic Illness.

Thank you for walking with me!

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