the friend whose son is newly diagnosed with cancer,
the friend whose children face court battles,
the friend whose own life hangs in the balance
with a terminal illness
and so many others . . .
Where is God in the midst of our questions?
Where is He in the midst of our longings?
He is still Good, and HE still has blessings
to pour on us,
wherever we find ourselves walking.
He never leaves us alone
to face the trials,
He walks with us through
every step.
And His Grace is sufficient,
for
HE, Himself, is our blessing.
Thank you to a dear friend who blessed me with this song,
I pray it blesses you as well:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;"
225,000 square feet. It seemed like an impossibly large building for only 2 people to care for. But that is just what was asked of us, barely married for 3 months, while my husband attended college. The caretaker/janitor's position opened up at the new church we had begun attending, and with youthful enthusiasm we jumped right in. We cleaned and monitored, attended events and washed up afterwards, and became intimately familiar with the church that had a caretaker's apartment built into the upper level for us to live in. Sufficient for the task? Not at all, but we found ways to push our limits in order to keep going.
This week over at Michele Morin's site, Living our Days, where we are in Week 6 of our study of
Jayber Crow, by Wendell Berry,
our friend, Jayber, finds himself taking on the church janitor's work also.
So it should have come as no surprise when I found one of my favorite scenes unfolding in this week's reading. Jayber often came to do his cleaning at the church in the evening after he had worked all day at the Barber Shop. Needless to say, the quiet and calming presence of the church was an easy place to rest and even take a nap. (I remember those same peaceful feelings when the sanctuary was empty, and while cleaning, we played our own music through the church's high tech--for then--speakers!)
It was during one of those rest times that a dream overtook him:
"One day when I went up there to work, sleepiness overcame me and I lay down on the floor behind the back pew to take a nap. Waking or sleeping (I couldn’t tell which), I saw all the people gathered there who had ever been there. I saw them as I had seen them from the back pew, where I sat with Uncle Othy (who would not come in any farther) while Aunt Cordie sang in the choir, and I saw them as I had seen them (from the back pew) on the Sunday before. I saw them in all the times past and to come, all somehow there in their own time and in all time and in no time . . . They said nothing, and I said nothing. I seemed to love them all with a love that was mine merely because it included me. When I came to myself again, my face was wet with tears."
The longing that I felt for Jayber to know more about the TRUE Love that had touched him, only grew as I read through the next few chapters. Sadly, Jayber moved from his own touch with the Wonder of Love to look for love in all the wrong places. I still have hope that in upcoming chapters he might find where that longing will be fully met.
But my own longings are hanging in the wind,
crying out for GRACE
when I have none of my own.
In the same way that Jayber failed to see that the One who is all love was right beside him, giving him that dream of love for His people, I too have ignored the call of that ONE.
When I have sought my own sufficiency,
When I have leaned on my own strength,
When I have looked for my own help,
my own Sweet Lord has never stopped calling me.
While chronic illness calls me to
muster up my own strength,
My Jesus calls me to
find a sufficiency
deeper than my own
and a love
that fills every longing.
There is Life from the Lord that is bigger than any work of my self, a freedom brought from His Spirit.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control" Galatians 5:22,23
Who is Sufficient?
Years came and went
Strength surged
Depended upon.
My ways were laid
bare
before
Him
Who sees everything.
Abilities brought out
Self-Sufficiency
A way of life.
My heart was crushed
bare
before
Him
Who sees everything.
Illness has a way
Pointing out lack
Hidden underneath.
My body was broken
bare
before
Him
Who sees everything.
Mercy invites inside
Seeking to give
What I have not.
My soul was enlarged
bare
before
Him
Who sees everything.
Grace covers, fills
Christ-Sufficiency
Living in me.
My Life is overflowing
bare
before
Him
Who sees everything.
Immanuel,
God with me.
--bg
And a verse usually spoken at Christmas gives the invitation for each of us to find JESUS, the son given to be with us. The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”(which means “God with us”). Matthew 1:23 NIV
May this song of encouragement bless you today. He is with us, and invites us into His Presence where His Sufficiency is everything we need.
Yesterday I read the words of Bonnie Gray, The Faith Barista, again, and remembered my first weeks as a blogger, when she began her #OneWordLent series. Only now, the months have passed, and she invited us to join her as she begins a new series for #OneWordAdvent. Find her first post by clicking here where she shared her words at the (In)Courage Site.
Those first weeks as a blogger were so scary to me (not that I feel much braver now, 80 posts later,) and her words of invitation brought a stirring followed by a response in my heart that was hard to ignore. I knew that God was the one calling me out, and asking me to listen for HIS #OneWord.
Could it be that He is still
asking me to seek out
the #OneWord He
would speak today?
And the Ancient Words flutter
down through time,
words we memorize as children
become so familiar
that we miss the meaning
lose the mystery.
" And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.'"
I wonder how dark the night was as they watched their sheep. The darkness seems very deep around my soul, around the souls of many that I love right now. Who is keeping watch? Who is guarding the sheep this night? And how well were those shepherds trained to listen for the predator in the dark?
I have a feeling that no amount of training could have prepared them for the explosion of mystery that rang around them, and brought them to their knees on THAT NIGHT. Who was watching the sheep then? And where was the BRAVE when the sky fell down around them?
My heart is heavy
for those who watch
the sky falling
and find their faces on the ground.
My prayers feel useless under a weight
that is full of my own fear as well.
Did the shepherds cry out for mercy
in that moment
before the
Angels sang?
The angel's first words make so much more sense to me now. Unless the sky has fallen around you, you cannot feel the weight of those words:
"Do not be afraid"
And unless you have felt the weight being lifted off your shoulders
as the Mystery of God Coming to Earth envelops you, you cannot see the beauty:
Grace in a Shepherd,
Mercy for the sheep.
Therefore Jesus said again, “Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture.The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:7, 9-10
So what is my #OneWordAdvent for this week?
STILLNESS
I will be still, and know that HE is God.
God come to earth for me and for you
to be the perfect shepherd caring for us the sheep of HIS fold.
Have you explored Biblical Lament? I must admit, when I first read this phrase recently, I thought it sounded just a bit antiquated, for another era or time. However, I've been part of an amazing book launch, Discovering Hope, by Cindee Snider Re , (more will be coming on this next week,) and I have found a beautiful perspective on the subject of suffering and expressing our hearts to God.
I realized that many of my favorite Psalms are actually Biblical Laments
Psalm 63:1
"O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water."
Psalm 13:1-2
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me
forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
I grew up in a strict church setting, where GOOD was always emphasized. Consequently, many have attributed a kindness to me personally that may have just been one more way that my church-girl self chose to keep the GOOD-RULE activated. My older brothers will never forget my "God-Forgive" Stage. Any time I saw myself (or anyone in my close circle, for that matter) speak or do anything out of line, I was quick to yell out, "Better say 'God forgive!'" Cute, coming from a 7-year-old, but rather excessive when I've realized I still carry the trappings of that 7-year-old thought process in my heart today.
Speaking a dark thought? "Say God-Forgive!"
Uttering a harsh phrase? "Say God-Forgive!"
Mulling over doubt-filled questions? "Say God-Forgive!"
But where does all of that leave a person who is cluttered with questions about the dreary days that chronic illness creates? . . .
Drifting in a barren land where speech is quenched and searching is cut off. In a culture that idolizes fitness and health, the quenching days easily multiply to become a state of denial. And "OK" becomes the rote answer for how we are feeling.
Have we, in the Church, missed something when we have emphasized GOOD-SPEAK, at the expense of Honest-Speak?
So, I gave it a go, and began the process of looking at the Lament happening in my heart.
Oh my Lord, I lay
my weary body down
The weight of this pain
has crushed my soul
for too many days
Yet my heart
still seeks and looks
to you
for a hand-hold in the cliff
How high must I climb?
How long is the journey?
How wide is the sea?
How deep is the trial?
In your hand is relief
The only tonic
to quench my thirst
In your embrace
will the comfort be found
far from the world's taunts
My Jesus have mercy
My Savior sweet Lord
I know I have much to learn in this place of honest lamenting with God. It's not a matter of learning how to complain--strange how being in a state of denial actually increases the ability to complain long and loud. No, this is a lesson in exploring the deep crevices of a rocky landscape, and finding God's Spirit waiting for me there.
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life which God has promised for all those who love him." James 1:12
I tend to view my progress through these days, ESPECIALLY because I feel so weak, as so many failed efforts at learning what I am supposed to. But if this Scripture is true, that the perseverance itself is a form of obedience, then I need to shift my judgment of myself to a more grace-filled plane. God is giving me grace here:
Not only is Jesus NOT offended by my weakness, But He is actually pleased with my plodding and stumbling gait that is persevering thru the trial.
Are you in a Season of Perseverance? Maybe the time is right to explore Biblical Lament and find yourself in the Grace-filled Place with me.
(In
accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255:
“Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in
Advertising," I was given this book to offer an honest review. All
opinions expressed are my own.)
Today is the release date for a great book that I've been reading as part of its Launch Team:
It seems that everywhere I turn lately, the word Gratitude keeps showing up on my radar. Last week I mentioned here, that I have been participating in an online study of Suzie Eller's book, Come With Me. And there it is again, in this week's chapter for study: Living in Gratitude!
How is it that all these things have come together at just this time to point me back to living a life filled with Gratitude? I did a small word study to find the early beginnings of the word "gratitude," and was surprised (but not really) to find that GRACE and GRATITUDE have their basis in the same Latin word gratus.
hmmm. . . remember that "pool of grace" that I am supposed to be swimming in?
The latest word from the Doctors continues to be fear-inducing concerning my husband: valve insufficiencies, and cardiologist appointments. But here's the thing: while my mind wants to go back to fearing, my heart is hearing this GRACE and GRATITUDE word coming from Heavenly Influence.
Ifeoma has put together a wealth of wonderful Scriptures, in her book, Overcome Failure. She has so many encouraging words for any of us who have ever felt ourselves to be in a place of failure. One of her stories involved a time when she felt like a failure as a Mother. I won't give any spoilers here, because you really should read the book yourself, but in the midst of the crisis that was averted, she heard the Lord whisper to her that she had not thanked Him for what He had kept from happening. She had been so focused on what she HAD allowed to happen, that she had forgotten to thank God for what He had PREVENTED from happening.
My heart has been stirred within me ever since I read that story. You see, I tend to focus on what IS happening right now, and then what COULD happen tomorrow. But am I willing to lift my eyes to see what Grace HAS ALREADY prevented from happening?
Yes, I know, I am usually quick to say "Oh, things could always be so much worse!" But I wonder, am I actually just tossing around a phrase, with a bit of a cynical heart?
Have I let my past failures and weaknesses compound in the hidden corners of my heart, and somehow, they've come to whirl and whip my thoughts back to a familiar place of fearing?
What if, instead of the whirling, I stopped the sequence in the beginning, and found a word of true thankfulness to speak? Maybe the GRACE comes as we lift GRATITUDE out of the closet, and dress ourselves in garments of praise.
"comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." Isaiah 61:2,3
-Thank you God, that your GRACE uncovered a hidden problem with my husband's heart.
-Thank you God, that my own weaknesses from RA/Fibromyalgia have prevented me from trying to "fix and carry" those issues that my loved ones must bear to You.
-Thank you God, that even when I have felt like I have failed to find my own recovery, YOU are bringing me into the pleasant places of Your Presence.
-And most of all, Thank you God, that fearing cannot hold my heart, when my eyes are full of your GRACE to me.
Ifeoma Samuels can be found at her blog Purposeful and Meaningful . I am glad I was part of the launch team for her book #OvercomeFailure, and would highly recommend it!
I think I may have started too many books this summer. But yet, is that even possible? In this RA/fibro-fog life, my mind seems to crave more words than normal. As if filling up the foggy areas with one more dose of Holy might just help me remember a little longer.
So the started-but-not-yet-finished stack of books on my Kindle and on my table has me feeling like a child-at-Christmas-time again. So much JOY just waiting for me to partake. But there was a time when unfinished books left me in a state of stress because each one was just one more task that I was not finishing on time. How did I move from a place of stress to one of joy? I want to know because maybe there is a lesson to be learned here, to apply to other areas of my life.
What if I could see LOVE written all over my unfinished chores, and weakened states? What if those trials became Grace-just-waiting-to-happen as I changed my place of viewing?I have prayed so often, "Jesus I need your mercy and your grace here!" but what if the Grace is stacked up on the table, already waiting for me to partake?
Instead of bemoaning my lack of baking and cooking strength-- what if I saw my daily Crock-pot-Meal as Grace given for this day?
Instead of staring at the weeds overtaking the paths through my little front-yard woods trail--what if I saw those rugged areas as my very own Grace-filled-nature-preserve set in front of my eyes?
And instead of dreary-filled-thoughts of slowed-down-days--what if I tasted the Grace of time given to savor Jesus, alone with Him?
"For out of His fullness (the superabundance of His grace and truth) we have all received grace upon grace (spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing, favor upon favor, and gift heaped upon gift.)" John 1:16--The Amplified Version
I have been returning to Joy Lenton's book, Seeking Solace, again and again lately. I even quoted a portion of this poem to my counselor last week:
Set Me Free
"Set me free
I no longer want
to be ensared
by the chains
of my past, or
held fast by fear
for the future
Set me free
to fly uncaged
in the current
of your grace,
releasing all I am
and can be
into your embrace."
As I left my counselor's office, she said to me, "When I think of you now, I'm going to picture you floating in a pool of Grace." So, flying or floating, there is a freedom that I seek.
Instead of gripping the past with hands too weak to hold on any longer--my Jesus has gifted me with the Grace to open my hands and receive HIS JOY, enough for this day.
The rough-edged nature trail as viewed from my deck.
I am linking this week with some wonderful bloggers over at #TellHisStory with Jennifer Dukes Lee, and #TeaAndWord with Meg Weyerbacher and #ChronicFridayLinkup at Being Fibro Mom. Won't you join me?
